


Three times

by namu_ni



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Azgeda Clarke, Clexa Endgame, F/F, Heda Clarke, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reincarnation, Slowish burn?, Sort Of, You didnt see that coming, it might not make a lot of sense at first, mentions of torture, might get angsty at some points, neither did I, non important ocs, ontari/clarke one sided, some people are going to die... a bit, yeah i know
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-12 17:00:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20567771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/namu_ni/pseuds/namu_ni
Summary: Lexa has never considered herself lucky, but being sent to Earth seems to be a little bit too much.Clarke has never wanted anything as much as she wants Nia to die, painfully, but then people start falling down from the sky and she has to reschedule.Or.Lexa was born in the ark and Clarke was born in the ground.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am still mad at the show, so three years later I finally got myself together and decided to do my own shit.  
It might not make much sense but that's just who I am, confusing and a rambling mess so, I present you:  
An idea that hasn't left me alone for months and got out of hand featuring swapping the plot, not listening to most things canon, being petty, soulmates and a lot of badly integrated northen mythology.

She clenched her fists as a wave of pain took over her, feeling disoriented. She flinched as the nausea came to her and suddenly found herself throwing up right next to the tiny bed in the small cell she had been calling home for the past few months.

The pain in her stomach was excruciating. For a moment she thought she had been stabbed in her sleep. She searched, only with the dim light that came from the small window above her. No trace of blood. No bruises. She frowned as confusion and dizziness overwhelmed her.

Trying to keep her mouth tightly shut so she wouldn't empty her stomach once again, she started to recall the dream. Even though it had been incredibly vivid, she couldn't quite grasp what it had been about.

She closed her eyes and focused. The only thing she could remember, fog covering all over her thoughts, were blue eyes looking at her, full of tears, and soft hands, trying to comfort her.

"Comfort me... why?" she regretted speaking as soon as she did it. Not only was her throat dry, making the smallest of noises painful, but she had to bend down again to vomit.

A guard came through the door, looking mildly disgusted. "Prisoner 319, should I request someone from the medical unit to come assist?"

"I don't thin-" her lame attempt to get rid of him was interrupted why yet another wave of nausea. The guard came down to ease her, doing soothing movements with a hand and holding her hair with the other as Lexa emptied her stomach for the third time.

The guard left in a hurry as soon as she stopped, leaving Lexa heaving and gasping for air. She could hear the tapping sounds coming from Octavia's cell. Morse code for 'R U Okay' repeating itself over and over again. TapScratchTap, taptapScratch, ScratchScratchScratch ScratchTapScratch TapScratch ScratchTapScratchScratch. The sound kept repeating itself like a calming mantra, until she finally saw Doctor Jackson at the door and let herself go.

She woke up panting heavily and with the feeling of blue eyes and golden hair chasing her. She could vividly remember the girl calling her name.

As the dreams started to fade, she noticed that she was in the medic unit and that she had been sedated. She wondered for about a second how long she'd been asleep. Then she saw that she was not tied up and completely unsupervised, and the escape plans started forming in her head as a reflex.

It wasn’t until she remembered the consequences of the... _movement _that she had started and leaded, that she lied back down and tried not to wander back to the faces of the people that were floated because of her. A few words... had costed people their lives. So, trying not to think about that, she ended up going back to the deep, blue eyes that could be compared to the blue of the oceans on earth she could see from the little window in her cell. She imagined the sky on Earth looked just like that. Her hands clenched as the wish of being able to draw something other than a stick figure grew exponentially, if only to draw those eyes.

She had always been the one to train her body, her brain with strategies. Reading book after book, old as they were, about Earth. She gave up her dream of ever going back to the ground some time ago, but she kept learning, and training. Just in case, she told herself. At the very least these abilities could come in handy.

"Yeah, just like shooting with a poor homemade arrow or throwing knives to impress the girl that used to go to the Earth Skills class" she groaned a little at the memory. She didn’t really recall the girl's name, only the fact that she was very cute and shy; she did miss throwing things, especially since she was trapped in the tiniest cell and could barely do the smallest exercises as to not to waste away.

"Ah, Lexa, you're back with the living." Doctor Jackson, nice as ever, smiled at her while looking at a few papers as he entered the room. "We still don't know why you woke up in the state you did. The food you've been eating has been studied and, since you are the only one of the prisoners who has experienced these symptoms, we tried to see if there was anything wrong with, well, you. Yet, you're perfectly healthy.

"Now," he said licking his lips, as if trying to rethink his next words "I have insisted that you could have simply have experienced, um, some sort of trauma, from the quite shocking adventures you've lived lately, but I'm having a hard time convincing the council and the chancellor..."

"Don't worry, Doctor Jackson. Have them float me, have them get me back in the cell. I don't care," Lexa tried to keep her calm, but the low tremble of her voice probably gave away the whole façade. She just wanted to go back to sleep and dream of blue eyes and golden hair, so she did.

When she came back, she was back in her cell. It smelled clean and so did the sheets; she assumed someone had come and taken care of her mess. She checked the small watch on the nightstand. It had been probably less than 5 hours since she first woke up, but she couldn't be more done with this day already. She had been counting the days for her 18th birthday. 23. Twenty-three days and she'd be floated. She ignored the lonely tear that escaped her eye and simply grabbed the little coin like item hanging from her neck -the last memory from their parents.

"Woods! Hey, Woods! Answer me, you asshole! I swear if you-"

"Shut up, Octavia!" Lexa tried to sound a little upset, but it was hard when it was obvious that the other girl had been worried about her the whole day. "Keep shouting and you're gonna get us in trouble. Again" Laughter could be heard even through the thick prison walls.

They switched to Morse, neither of them wanting to risk getting caught and being punished with lower rations again. The tapping and scratching sounds filling the room with the usual feeling of companionship. It only ever stopped when they were given their food. Lexa complained for half an hour after it, the food was bland, more so than the usual because of her morning sickness. She interrupted Octavia until she yelled at her to fuck off. When the watch marked 11pm, they said their good nights and fell asleep. Both of them smiling.

She's abruptly woken up at 4am. They're emptying cells. They take them to a way too old and wrecked ship. They're being sent to Earth. She's only 22 days away from her birthday. She feels like being floated would have been a gentler death.

Two people died. Two guys that followed that stupid guy and decided to unlock their seatbelt. When the wreckage of a ship landed, nothing stopped them from flying and they died a fast death. Of course, the stupid guy didn’t die; he held onto a seat and only hurt his shoulder. Didn’t even get a fracture. Nothing. Two boys dead, and he walked with not even the smallest injury. It wasn’t even a surprise to learn that he was the space walker. Of course the same guy who wasted three months of oxygen also got two people killed.

Lexa stayed in the dropship even when Bellamy, the older Blake, gave Octavia the okay to go outside and everyone started losing their shit. They apparently were able to survive. Either the radiation had dissipated before it was predicted, or they were most resilient towards it. She nodded her head; that would make most sense since they grew up in space. Thankful that she actually paid attention during the science classes, the girl decided that it was finally time to get out and see if they could even survive a day. Everyone seemed to be forgetting that they didn’t have food, water or any means to protect themselves from any animals that might have survived these hundred years. And who was to say that those animals haven't mutated and were now even more dangerous?

The only weapon they had was one single gun that Bellamy held. Someone that she struggled to trust. Her inner dialogue was interrupted when Octavia jumped on her, never happier.

"Leeeeex," she stretched the name until Lexa hit the arm she had around her neck playfully. "what are you doing in this piece of junk when you could be out there breathing clean air and enjoying our freedom?" Octavia was bubbly. She never really got the chance to grow up, always trapped under the floor or in a stupid cell. She decided that if O could be happy and optimistic with the shitty life she'd had, then she at least deserved for Lexa to play along for a little bit. They were best friends, after all.

"Wanna go explore? 'Cause, not to freak out or anything, but we don't have water or food. Like, it's cool to breathe clean air and everything, but I'm pretty sure that, as nice as it is, it will not feed us. But, we could always-" Lexa let Octavia ramble. She did have a point, but, was it safe to just leave the dropship and venture outside into the wilderness?

Making up her mind, she picked a few iron bars that had broken out the structure of the ship in the landing. She tested them, waving them and giving a few blows at the empty air.

Octavia looked at her, having stopped talking at some point while she got distracted. A small lopsided smile appearing on the younger girl.

"I like the way you think, Lex. This is why you're my best friend"

"You don't have any other friends, that's why I am your best friend" Octavia shrugged her shoulders.

"Sure, if that makes you feel better" sticking out her tongue, she went for the extra iron bar that was currently half stuck under a seat. Its edge was rather sharp. Lexa nodded, she should try to do the same for her two own bars.

"Let's sneak out before your brother finds out that you are thinking on your own and freaks out. I heard that guy, Monty, talking to some other guy about Mount Weather. They were saying that they have a map," Octavia nodded, she seemed to be thinking the same thing. "so we could borrow it, and see if there's anything good."

"You know, I'm pretty sure it was a military base," well, that Lexa didn't know, "so, maybe there are guns and food. It could be nothing... but if it's true..."

"Yes. Go distract Monty with your pretty face and I'll get the map" she took the bar from Octavia's hand. "I'll meet you five minutes away from here, down South, okay?" The younger girl just smirked and nodded.

Getting the map was surprisingly easy. Turned out that Monty had been talking to Jasper, who immediately decided that the pretty girl was more important than survival. As he introduced himself and Monty, Octavia smiled and batted her eyelashes, effectively distracting both of them. She had to resist the urge to laugh when she hid the map in her pocket and discreetly left the place, heading to the point where Octavia was to meet her.

When the girl got there about ten minutes later, she was fighting to not to laugh to loud. They looked at the map and discussed the fastest way to get to the mountain. It would probably take them the whole day to get there, but they didn’t really have anything better to do.

After walking for hours, they found a small river and both girls decided to take a bath and drink some water. After thanking every god and deity that they had stayed near the land when a beast attacked them, they thought better to keep walking and not be too adventurous before getting to the mountain.

It was night before they noticed. Thankfully, Octavia had brought the cover of a bunch of the seats from the dropship, so they made their way to a small cave they had seen about ten minutes before.

"So, we probably shouldn't start a fire," Octavia was trembling a little. It was cold, but they could make it just fine if they cuddled and used their handy blankets.

"Yeah, I'm not sure that thing in the water is the only beast around. We better keep a low profile," Cuddling up together, as close to the wall of the cave as possible, they felt almost safe.

"We should reach the mountain tomorrow at noon. I really hope there's food... I'm so hungry I could eat you while you sleep."

Both girls laughed and joked for a little while until they both fell asleep.

Lexa dreamed of blue eyes that looked like the sky and hair as bright as the sun, when she woke up she stretched and looked around. Once she made sure they were safe, she woke Octavia up, followed the river up until the water was clearer to clean themselves up and drink some.

It was going to be a long day.

(and they weren't alone)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh, I didn't really expect anyone to read this. but cool. cool.  
eh, i dont know how to answer comments, even tho i have an idea but im too lazy to try,,  
all updates should be once a week, every sunday at the time i feel like it unless school pisses me off too much.... maybe

_Klark_ woke up with a start. She was used to the nightmares by now, yet, this one time, she was heaving and panting, her clothes sticking to her skin from sweating, and it took her a few minutes to remember where she was.

She didn’t know why she was so shaken up from a dream, -not really sure it was even a nightmare at that point- but for some reason, she couldn’t quite calm her breathing or stop her heart from trying to beat its way out of her chest.

The girl felt exhausted, even having just woken up, and there was a chill in the air that made her just a little bit warier than usual, which some may have said was closer to being straight up paranoid.

And maybe she was. Maybe she'd gone crazy, but who would even dare think about it? She _was_ _heda_. If anyone thought anything close to it they would be beheaded for treason; she would behead them, herself.

Piercing green eyes were still fresh in her mind, the feeling of soft hair between her fingers. Then, _black blood_. Black blood and green eyes.

And she _swore _she could still feel the gaze on her. She looked around and got up, grabbing the dagger she always slept with. Crouching down and keeping a defensive pose, she called out:

"If there's anybody in this room, I would come out before I get any good ideas on how to make your death a lot worse than it should be," she said with a scowl on her face, yet, nothing happened. Not a single shadow out of place; no sounds beside the birds singing outside her room.

_Klark_ let out a small 'whatever' before heading for the small bathroom. She missed the fancy ones with hot running water back in _Polis_, but she was in _trikru_ land now, trying to keep things calm in the coalition. Of course not a single tree hugger trusted her fully, since she was _Azgeda_, but she still had to play her role.

"Every day the coalition gets stronger, the closer Nia is to her downfall," _Klark_ muttered darkly.

That was her mantra, it kept her going when her hands itched to just grab her sword and kill anyone who thought they could look at her like she was not worthy of her tittle. Every time the old broken artefact her father gave her seemed to start _ticking_ even though she _knew_ it would _never_ tell the time again, a gentle reminder of her father laying on the floor, body cold and lifeless, beaten to a pulp, full of cuts and burns and signs of the torture he had had to endure.

When she woke up in a cold sweat, the feeling of having her _own_ dagger in her father's heart; when everything overwhelmed her, she reminded herself that Nia was still breathing. For _now_.

Once she was fully dressed in armor and had all her weapons on, she braided her hair and put on the paint on her face. Dark around the eyelids and spread towards the ears, ending right on her cheekbones in the shape of a triangle on each side. For anyone looking, she was the perfect picture of a stoic leader, ready to kill on sight. However, she didn’t really trust herself right that moment; she kept sneaking glances around, expecting to see green; just waiting to be attacked.

No attack came though, and _Klark_ was greeted by Indra as soon as she stepped outside, and the woman was not alone.

"Who is this man with you, Indra? Don't trust me to come on your own?" She knew very well that Indra was probably the only _trikru_ who respected her position, besides the few _trikru_ guards that she had in _Polis_, but that could change anytime.

"That's not what this is, _Heda,_" _Onya_ interrupts, having come apparently out of nowhere.

The girl had never known her place. She had personally trained _natblida_, one of the nightbloods she had had to defeat at the conclave was her _seken_. _Klark_ felt some respect towards the warrior, maybe because the other girl was as stubborn as her, or maybe just because even if _Onya_ would always follow her word as _Heda_, she would also make the most ridiculous and sarcastic comments. It was always nice, except when it was you who she was making fun of, of course.

"Last night, almost when the light was breaking, something fell, from the sky" _Indra_ was the one to finally start talking, and _Klark_ realized that she had just been staring at _Onya_ without a word.

"_Linkon_," _Onya_ nodded her head towards the man "was the scout in the area when it landed."

"It landed? It wasn't just a star?" that just made her even more paranoid than when she had just got up. She started sneaking glances around, not as subtle as before, and, if it weren't for _Indra_ coughing lowly, she would have already made her run to the trees to find the damn girl. And who said it was a girl-

"It seems like a house made of metal, _Heda_. It opened and people came out of it. They dress strangely but they are not _Maunon_. They seem to be mostly children... and... I think they are lost? None of them tried to get food or water, some of them passed out from exhaustion already... except..."

"Except?" the blonde interrupted _Linkon_. He seemed to hesitate, and, for someone built so big, he looked like he couldn't harm a fly.

"Speak" _Indra_ commanded with a voice that left little choice.

"Two girls. Two girls left... their camp, they slept two hours West from here... I believe they're headed to _Maunde_" he was looking down when he finished talking.

"Did they see you?"

"No, _Heda_. They act like little children moving in the forest, they went into the river and were almost attacked by the beast. It's like they're learning how to walk."

_Klark_ nodded, and the man seemed to breathe a little easier. She could do nothing, send the scout back to watch these people and just observe their behavior. Or, she could go check on these girls herself, get some fresh air away from _trikru_ and _Tondisi_...

"_Linkon_, I want you to take two other scouts and a warrior for each of you and head back to that place. You will not attack unless you are attacked first, and should you be attacked, don't aim to kill. If these people are not related to _Maunde_ but have similar technology, they might be a powerful ally." the three of them nodded, and _Onya_ seemed to be on her way to gather the team herself, when _Klark_ spoke again: "And I will check on those two... _gada_, see if they make it to their destination, and stop them if I must. I will go alone, and I will go now," and before they had time to even think of an answer she was making way West through the trees.

It was a two hours walk, _Linkon_ had said, and _Klark_ wondered why she had told _Ontari_ to stay in _Polis_. This looked like the perfect situation to rile up the older girl. Ontari was the only good thing Nia had ever done; since she kept her away to overrule everything later on, the girl didn't participate in the conclave, and she was alive now.

She probably was her only friend. If their constant bicker and training together counted as friendship.

(it did)

Of course, her only company was the _tic tak_ of the watch. She knew it not to work. Her father had gotten it to move a few times, with some small, thin, round metal that reminded her of a coin. The sound may not be real, but it was printed onto her brain.

_Tic-tak, tic-tak, tic-tak_. Every step, it repeated. Watch safely secured around her wrist, the sound came from everywhere but.

The noise, however, was successfully interrupted by talking. And if that wasn’t the sound of fire cracking?

She didn’t have to check to know it was the two _skai gada_ _Linkon_ had been talking about. No one would have ever been so careless, were they used to these lands.

"...Can't believe you caught a rabbit with these useless sticks we got, Lex. I always knew you were a genius, this is why you're my best friend." the other girl was facing the other way, and _Klark_ couldn’t see her, but she heard her laugh, body shaking, and she froze, because she swore she'd heard that laugh before.

If _Klark_ was only some _gona_, she would step up, ignore everything and go up close to those girls to study everything about them. Instead, listening and observing from a safe distance seemed wiser.

"When do you think we'll get to the Mountain? Bet we both alone could do just fine on our own, but the people at the dropship..." the other girl tensed up, rather visibly, all joking gone.

"I'm gonna say a few hours. But I don't know what we will find. For all we know, it could have been hit directly by the bombs and be nothing but ruins now." they both went back to eating for a while, and then _Leks_ talked again: "I don't know about the dropship. I don't think things are going to go well there. We are all too young, we have a freedom we never had up in the ark and I just feel that's not a good... mix"

"I would say fuck it and just go, but my brother is there, and even if he can be a jerk at times, he means well, mostly. I think. Maybe." More laughter, and _Klark_ felt her stomach do damn summersaults.

"O, never change. We will go back after getting to Mount Weather. Let's just figure things out after that, okay?" the girl, _Ou_, nods. It took them no longer than five minutes to finish their meal, get rid of the fire and get everything ready to move.

If they didn't leave such an obvious track, _Klark_ would have been surprised, because these two seemed to work in perfect sync together and, all things considered, they were not that loud. She wondered why they were heading _Maunde_ if they didn’t even know about the _Maunon_.

The scout had said they were many of them, yet these two girls were the only one going. She doubted _Leks_, whatever that name was, had lied about them not knowing of the Mountain, since they didn't know she was here.

However, the _horn_ blew and she froze. The two _gada_ just looked at each other frowning, and, even if they did slow down, they kept walking. _Klark_ didn’t want to think about it, it was not her fault that those two didn’t know about the veil. It wasn’t.

So, why wasn’t she running? Why did she want to warn them, risking her own safety and therefore, the coalition? Well, her gut had always been right before so...

"You two! Hey!" She was pretty damn proud of her gonasleng, but she got a bit self-conscious when both girls just looked at her blankly. "Huh, you need to, run. Now!"

Then, they freaked out. They screamed, very, very, very loud. Which was perfect for stealth, obviously. As stupid as it was, it got _Klark_ in full survival and leader mode.

"I said, you two, move. Now. Follow me if you want to live." She didn’t even have to raise her voice, they nodded and started running towards her.

Ah, yes. Maybe she _was_ a born leader. And maybe she could get these children-like women to safety. Fast thinking had always been her thing; acting on impulse, making last second decisions (like helping _skai_ people), or finding a cave in a place you barely know to survive because you had only been in _trikru_ land twice and it wasn't even near this place.

"Who the hell are you? What the fuck is going on? People are living on the ground? How fucking long has this been going on?" the grounder expected the other girl, _Leks_, who seemed to be in charge, to get _Ou_ to calm down, but to her surprise, she talked just as loud and maybe faster.

"Are you telling me we've been living in a metal prison for a hundred years while all of you had a blast here? Were we some sort of sick experiment?" She seemed close to tears, even as she followed the blonde at a quick pace; _Klark_ noticed then that her eyes were green. Not just any green, mind you, they were the exact shade from her dream so _Klark _couldn't quite help herself...

"Have we met befo-" She didn’t get to finish because she saw a cave, covered with some wrecked wood and fallen rocks. "There! Help me with this!" In no time, the entrance was clear and they got in.

The two _skai gada_ were panting from the effort while _Klark_ had barely broken a sweat. She let out a very _unheda_ laugh, only for two pairs of eyes to land on her. She really hadn't thought this through.

"So, what did we just run like that for? Do you plan to eat us? Oh my god, Lexa, she's going to eat us. She brought us here to have dinner. That's why they kept us up is space! We probably taste so differen-"

"You are from space? From the stars?" the grounder let her voice be as gentle and neutral as possible, trying not to scare the other two.

"Yeah, we were living in a giant spaceship called Ark, it was supposed to be just us left. The last humans after the wa-" _Leksa_ hit the girl on the head.

"Would you shut the whole in your face for five seconds, O? For all we know she could be tricking us to believe she nice and friendly and then kill us, or worse." And then, she got out of the cave, only to get back in about ten seconds later, scratching the part of her arms that wasn't covered. "What the floating shit is that yellow fog?"

Before _Ou_ could ask her for her well-being, or freak out again, the blonde spoke up: "that's what the _Maunon_ use to kill anyone who gets too close."

"_Maunon_?" They asked at the same time, and _Klark_ had to hide the twitching of her mouth.

"They are people, living in the mountain, they take our people and drain our blood, they take our _gona_ and turn them into beasts. They have been killing us for years. They are our enemy," _Klark_ grinded her teeth and stood taller, she felt her temper almost slipping from her fingertips. "and you were going there; why? Give me a reason not to kill you right now."

So maybe she didn't mean to say that last part, but she thought that not having killed them yet was enough merit for now. They looked at her, then at each other, then at her swords and daggers (the ones she's not hiding, anyway), and they raised their hands.

"Oh no, this is all, uh, well, a big misunderstanding, ground lady. You see-" the blonde scowled at the name.

"Ground lady? Really, Octavia? You wanna get us killed? I'm sorry, she's just... she doesn't know any better, but she doesn't mean any harm, I swear." _Leksa_ took a small step forward, and _Klark_ had to fight the urge to grab her sword. Oh... helping them had been a bad idea. "I am Lexa, Lexa Woods. I'm from the Ark, it orbits around Earth." she made circle motions with her index finger. "You see, they sent us down here, we believe, because the Ark is dying, and well, we are their only hope. Look," on _Leksa'_s wrist there's a... thing, that looked a lot like her father's watch, just colder. _Klark_ uncovered her arm to show them her own watch, trying to understand what that had to do with anything.

"You have a watch." _Okteivia_ said, dumbfounded. The blonde nodded.

"This isn't a watch, these wristbands, we all have them, tell people on the Ark that the Earth is inhabitable, that we are alive and radiation is gone. That they can come down... just, let me tell you, I don't care about most people up there, but there are kids, elders; they haven't done anything wrong. So if for you not to kill us we have to go back and forget about Mount Weather, good, we'll turn around soon as that fog is gone. But we need to help our people back at the dropship, they need us... they're lost without us... so, please," _Klark_ tilted her head, a bit annoyed, mostly at the girl rambling and _Okteivia_'s blunt staring.

"Are you their leader?" The blonde cut _Leksa_ off, lest she decided to keep talking for days.

"I-. No? We don't... have a leader, not down here, I guess. We're just kids and-"

"Lexa is the closest thing we have to a leader. But no one will acknowledge her because, have you seen her? She looks so soft." _Okteivia_ cooed and _Leksa_ looked about ready to stab her friend with the spears she carried, but _Okteivia_ just kept talking. "I think if you gave us some time..." she looked down at _Klark's_ swords, again "maybe we could convince everyone to let Lexa talk on our behalf."

"Do I even get a saying on this?"

"That would be acceptable." _Klark_ purposely ignored the other girl, talking directly to _Okteivia_. "I am _Klark_ _kom Azgeda_, _Heda_ of the coalition of the twelve clans, and in three days from tomorrow, I will visit your _dropship_ to talk to you, _Leksa_ _kom skaikru_, as their leader." _Klark_ knew she was not leaving room for argument, she needed to make sure these people wouldn’t join the _Maunde_, nor die on her. She didn’t really listen to the little voice telling her that she wanted to know about _Leksa_, that she wanted to understand why her eyes had been in her dream.

"That... that would be appreciated." _Leksa_ gave in, and they fell into silence.

_Klark_ finally let herself relax, leaning against the wall the opposite from the _skai gada_, and after realizing that the fog would take a while to disperse, she decided to light up a fire with the wood they had moved from the entrance. She did it mostly for the sake of the other two girls. To show she meant well. But she also wanted to be able to watch them closely in case they tried anything.

(And if she got to stare at those damn intriguing green eyes too, well, she was just doing her duty)

The three of them sat around the fire and _Okteivia_ and _Leksa_ talked to each other every so often, the blonde never joining them.

It was already dark when the mist was gone, and _Klark_ left the two girls asleep inside the cave.

Deciding to leave one of her daggers with them, so any _trikru_ who saw it would know they were under _Heda'_s protection, and so they'd be able to reach their camp, their _dropship_, safely.

She had three days to think just how to convince _trikru_ to let these _skaikru_, who look and talk like _Maunde_, live and feed of their land.

She really, _really_ should have brought _Ontari_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah... writing clarke is so much easier... i feel like the chapters might be longer as the story goes,,, chapter five already is looking longer.., but that might change if i decide to switch up the plot again...   
anyways, thanks to my fever induced dreams for making me come up with the most surreal plots and for my ability to procrastinate for being gentle with me lately..  
and thanks for the people that left comments, kudos and bookmarks.. thats pretty rad.. ye..


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah... this chapter is also known as 'oh filler of mine, i hate you but i cant live without you because, truly, writing lexa is so hard, im going to write clarkes pov from now on unless inspiration hits me, but boy i know it wont happen'  
also school is a blood and will sucking thing, i literally have no energy ewgh. i wanted to edit this chapter. edit and add things so it wouldnt feel like such a wste of time, i also wanted to write because im hauntingly fast aproaching all ive written for now... and thats a scary thought lads.....  
i also wanted to say that... because i hate this chapter so much... uh i might update midweek... but i wouldnt count on it.. mayhaps..  
anyways without further ado,,

She really, really, _really_ believed that she had just barely closed her eyes, but she found herself wide awake because she could swear it smelt different. Fresh, unlike anything she had smelt back in the ark, a cold that reminded her of the artificial mint Monty had let her try years ago. This didn’t startle her as much as finding out that _Clarke_ was gone. The girl whose eyes had been chasing her dreams, was gone and with her the false feeling of security they had before succumbing to sleep.

Of course it was too good to be true, maybe she had dreamed everything, maybe the radiation was causing her to hallucinate and they were going to die, were already dying right now, while she dreamed of grounder pretty girls. Who would believe that a girl had found them and taken them here to talk them into an _alliance_ out of nowhere, an alliance she apparently overruled, and that implied that there were plenty of survivors living on Earth, and being kidnapped and tortured by Mount Weather...?

Right when she was about to shake Octavia awake, she saw a knife, shiny and sharp, lying next to the dying fire. So, had it been real? The girl… what was her name? _Clarke_, _Head_ of the Twelve clans. _Head_? _Clarke_, just _Clarke_.

She got up, fast as she’d ever done it, and got out the small cave, looking for the blonde. Once her eyes were used to the dark, and thanks to the moon shining through the trees, finding _Clarke_ proved to be easy thanks to her hair. She was carving something on a tree, giving her back to Lexa.

“You! Hey, _Clarke_! He- _Head_?” Lexa stage whispered, losing confidence with every step and word. God, she really hoped she wouldn’t get Octavia killed because she decided to follow the ground boss lady. And she was glad that mind reading was not a thing, because ground boss lady? She spent way too much time with Octavia.

“Oh, _Leksa_,” _Clarke_ turned around and raised an eyebrow, her face illuminated by one rather stubborn small clearing of leaves above her. She stepped closer to the brunette, not making a single sound while she walked. Lexa gulped; she was definitely lucky that this… ruler, or whatever she was, had taken pity on them and decided to talk and be civil rather than kill them in their sleep. Did she really _have_ to say her name like that though? It made Lexa feel... nevermind. “I didn’t think you would notice me leaving. That’s a nice surprise, you’re not a lost cause.”

“Thanks, I guess. So, uh, any reason you’re sneaking away in the middle of the night?” Lexa wanted to be mad at the smirking blonde, her confidence and ego showing even while standing in a relaxed manner, face paint a bit smeared for the running they had made during the day and sitting next to the fire, but she could only be feeling too many things at a time, and the fear and survival instinct didn’t want to share their spotlight at the moment. And she was _not_ feeling butterflies, that was dumb, she was just hungry. Starved, actually.

“I must make it back to _Tondisi_ before all of _Trikru_ decides that I went missing because I’m trying to recognize the land to steal it for _Azgeda_. And to make sure your dropship is not attacked before we meet and decide your fate accordingly,” _Clarke_ looked around again, which made Lexa anxious, because surely they wouldn’t be attacked while the leader of the grounders was here, right? As if she had read her mind, the blonde kept talking. “However, I believe you will be safe as long as you keep the knife I left behind in sight. People will know you are under _Heda_’s protection. I shall see you in two days, _Leksa kom Skaikru_.” _Heda_ looked at her, only a few seconds longer than necessary, and then turned around and left.

Hadn’t it been for Octavia, she would have followed her without a doubt (she might have actually walked a few minutes in the same direction the blonde did, but that was no one's business). But Octavia was sleeping in the cave, oblivious to the whole exchange, and she was sure that she would _kind of_ really freak out if she didn’t see her when she woke up. There was also the whole ‘being Lexa _con Skycrew_, leader of the dropship’, and therefore everyone’s lives depending on her. Again. Thanks to the woman who had decided for her, every death would be on her. She didn’t ask for this. She just wanted… what did she even want anymore? Heaving a long sigh, Lexa stared at the peeking moon for a few minutes before going back to the cave. She would take care of this in the morning, for now she was just a girl on Earth, about to sleep on a small cave, protected -she hoped- only by a shiny knife.

Waking up proved to be a hard task. She was incredibly sore, her head pounded like it was going to blow up at any given point and, the worst of all, Octavia was cranky as hell. She had complained at least ten times in a what couldn’t be longer than thirty minutes. About the rain -because _of course_ it was raining-, about how hungry she was, about how her brother was going to kick her ass for being gone for two days and meeting the ground lady, who could have easily killed them, about her back hurting from sleeping on the floor twice and on and on. She was seriously considering running until she couldn’t hear the other girl anymore, or maybe just tell her to shut the hell up.

They reached the dropship when the sun had just set, stopping by the river only to drink water, weary of the thing they had seen two days ago. They had been gone for three days and now they had to convince everyone that people were living on the ground and that they would be harmless as long as no one opposed to what _Heda_ proposed and they let Lexa do the talking and deciding… They were royally screwed.

Octavia, via screaming her lungs out, had summoned every single kid and was telling every part of their little journey with so much enthusiasm and energy that even Lexa, being tired, hungry, and thirsty, and having been present with her friend the whole time, was listening to every single word.

“… and the grounder lady, sorry, _Heda_, told us to have Lexa speak for us here, three days from today, so, like, in two days. Basically, Lexa is on charge unless blonde Xena says otherwise because they apparently are a lot, and I’m guessing they all have cool swords and know how to use them” Octavia nodded solemnly, giving everyone time to process the whole thing. Then everyone was talking at the same time. Until Bellamy, who had the gun -_Bellamy Blake_, had a gun. She felt safer with Clarke-, talked over everyone else.

“Octavia, you leave for three days, make me think you dead and worry sick about you, to come back here with this stupid story just to get _Lexa_, out of all people, the one who got forty-six people floated, to lead us. Are you out of your mind?” Lexa got eerily quiet, the subject of so much blood in her hands still recent, and even if Octavia tried to explain over and over that they had to _try_, everyone just kept talking above her.

“Bellamy, just listen to me, we really need to-” when Octavia was interrupted for the umpteenth time, Lexa got the knife that she had carefully been carrying the whole time and pointed it at Bellamy’s chest, rapidly getting everyone to shut up.

“Listen, I don’t have to be the smartest cookie in this jar of useless kids to know that whatever way you got that gun, it wasn’t just because you were a good guy and decided to let you carry it. Just like you don’t have to think _too_ hard to know that there is no way I have gotten this knife from anyone else other than a grounder,” Lexa took a deep breath, looking around to see everyone was playing close attention to her. Once she was sure all eyes on her, she carried on. “We were on our way to Mount Weather, while you, who apparently has taken the leadership role, were here flashing your gun around, getting laid or something equally as manly. Octavia and I were looking for food and shelter, we were able to hunt, eat, find water. What did you do, Bellamy? Pray tell?

“Because I only see a bunch of scared and hungry kids, starving to death.” Lexa finished after a moment, knowing the words had already sank in.

“And you think you can do better? Just as good as you did in the ark?” Murphy asked with a snarl. Lexa knew him from the ark. Oh, she knew him, alright.

“So you already got the dumbest jerks to follow you, Bell?” Octavia was smirking, that was never good news. “Lexa has made mistakes, yeah, but we all have. You are all here for a reason. And Bellamy, you and I both know that if it weren’t for her and her parents, I wouldn’t be here now. It wasn’t her who floated anyone." She looked around, making sure every eye was on her, "She didn’t float your parents, but she gave them a reason to fight, a reason to believe. All of this, it’s on the council, not on Lexa. Who sent us to ground to die? Just to see if they could make it after? Who made us lab rats?” Everyone was murmuring now, some were agreeing with Octavia, other screaming to take the wristbands off.

“I got this knife from Clarke, Heda of the twelve clans. She told me she would be here in three days, and that I was to talk to her as leader of the dropship. I didn’t offer, she chose me.” She would have never chosen this. “She said we are in… tree land, and that she would have her people not attack us until we had talked. I don’t want to be a leader, but I know that I have to at least wait until this is over to stop.”

Bellamy looked down at the knife, then at Octavia, who was eagerly nodding her head, then and Lexa. He hid his gun on his pants and cleared his throat:

“We will wait until this Clarke shows up, but if you’re lying, you’re in deep shit, Woods.” Then he looked around and raised his voice, “Lexa will tell us whatever she has decided and we will try to reach an agreement before the grounders come. Right now our priority is food and water. Monty and Jasper have been working on the filters so we can drink the rain. Since Lexa and Octavia have already hunted, they will pick a team and we will get out food. Anyone got something to say about it?” The crowd started dispersing after a few sure’s and okay’s, probably relieved that they weren’t going to die just yet.

“Okay, so what do we do now, boss?” Murphy sarcastically asked. Only eight people had stayed behind, Lexa hoped to volunteer to help.

“Now, we set some traps and sleep. Tomorrow, we eat.” No one opposed and in under two hours, traps were set all around camp. Hopefully, they would catch something by the time morning came.

Lexa couldn’t wait for _Clarke_ to come, if only to be able to step back from leadership and get some actual sleep. Blue eyes filled her dreams, this time paint around them, gold hair and a knife to her throat. She woke up with a smile, strangely feeling more comfortable with that dream that the ones of Clarke softly talking to her or... or the ones with the dark blood.

“Hey, nice dreams?” Octavia asked from her part of the tent. She was curled up under a bunch of covers and only half her face and a little foot was visible. Lexa got up and stretched, giving her friend nothing but a small hum as an answer. There was barely any light outside yet, and aside from the twenty tents and a few logs that were still fuming here and there, plus the ones that were being used as some sort of small barrier, the camp looked unchanged. Some people were still sleeping inside the dropship, but most slept in the tents, thankful to be as far from the ark as possible.

She checked all the traps, only two had caught anything, other three had broken down. The two rabbits would do very little to feed almost a hundred people, but it was more than nothing. Setting the traps back up and getting the three useless ones to work, she got to her tent, picked her made up spears and, with a sleepy but excited Octavia, made her way to hunt.

“Hey, we are going to join you,” Bellamy spoke, Murphy and Miller following him closely. They had also picked up a few iron bars from the ship.

After two hours, they had only four rabbits with them. Murphy was playing swords with Miller and making laser sounds, clearly enjoying themselves.

“Let’s split up,” Octavia said, already being fed up, “Lex and I will go this way, you three go that way. In about an hour we meet here again,” she marked a tree to let them know, “and if we haven’t gotten anything then we go back to camp and check the traps. Okay?” Bellamy agreed begrudgingly, and the other two guys followed him.

“I was going to get those two killed, I swear.” Lexa said rolling her eyes.

“Not if I did it first!”

Not many words were exchanged after that, both of them knowing it would scare the prey away, and finally, they found a deer. Octavia threw a rock that was too heavy for her at its head and Lexa drew the spear forward, stabbing what she thought was the heart. The animal fell to the ground but didn’t die.

“Here, bring every stick you see and bring some grass to try and tie them together, maybe we carry this baby with us that way.”

"Aye, aye, captain!" Octavia exclaimed.

Octavia came and went a few times while Lexa finished the deer, she didn’t want it to suffer more that it was necessary. After a few attempts and laughs, they got the deer to their made up stretcher and carried it up to the meeting place. All three guys lost their shit when they saw them. They had managed another two rabbits. They were gonna eat like champs.

Back at camp they checked the traps, which were all empty since it was too noisy around during the day, and got all their food together. All eight rabbits and deer being devoured.

“So we got some water, and some food! Lexa Woods for Chancellor, baby!” Jasper shouted happily. Everyone’s spirits lifted, joking around, some even dancing. All unaware of being watched by six grounders from the trees.

For now, they were alive, no longer hungry or thirsty, and remotely safe unless Clarke decided otherwise. Knife proudly stuck in the dropship, ally or not to see. 

Lexa dreamed only of gentle blue eyes and drawings that night. Devoid of paint, looking entirely different from the night before. Then the night after. Except then, there was blood, black coal and pain.

She hadn’t missed the feeling of waking up with the feeling of being stabbed. She did miss the sound of the horses approaching and people dismounting. So when Octavia went to get her to Clarke and found her throwing everything up, all that she could think of was not passing out when she met with the person that was trying to keep them alive. Or worse, throw up all over her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spoiler alert: lexa throws up on Clarke, look forward to it


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't update on Sunday because my laptop died on me... it's not its fault though, school is draining us both,, so many programs .. but it's a good lad, my laptop...  
This chapter is less annoying that the one before,, honestly the only chapter i have ready to post is five at this point,, even if I do have more drafted.. but chapter five is .. better? I like it better anyways..  
Doing this at 8AM was never a good idea, but baby here we go  
Enjoy the ride

_Klark_ expected many things when she got to the dropship. She thought _Onya _would jokingly, or not jokingly, threaten everyone on camp. She also thought _Indra_ would pop a vein in her forehead from trying _so _hard not to order everyone killed on sight. There was a small possibility that _Linkon _would lose the tight grab he had of his arms and go and investigate everything on his own, but that was why _Naikou_ was next to him. She had thought that _Ryder_ would hit _Ontari _for the way the girl was staring at her.

_Ontari_ had come the day before, as soon as the message had gotten to her. She had ridden during the night, and once everyone was out of sight and couldn’t hear her, she had screamed at _Klark_ for so long that _Onya_ had come to the rescue. To say that _Ontari _was not a fan of her plan, was a huge understatement. The older girl had called her all kind of names, sometimes switching languages. When she had tired herself out, she had taken the bed and slept for hours.

Nothing Klark had said had convinced the other girl to change her mind about the _skaikru_, and it was already hard enough to have _Indra _and all of _Tondisi_ complaining.

So, quite honestly, she thought that anything could happen. The thought of getting killed on sight had also gone through her mind a few times. But _Leksa _appearing the last of the _skaikru _and, after staring at her for too long, throwing up on her feet, was the only thing that she hadn’t thought of.

For some time, everything was quiet, no one spoke or moved. The only thing that could be heard was _Leksa_, heaving breaths. Then _Ontari_ was off her horse, between both leaders, holding her sword up to the brunette’s neck.

Before _Ontari _could do something she regretted, _Klark_ called out to _Naikou_:

“_Check her out for any poison or illness. I don’t want to kill a bunch of kids just because they can’t control their alcohol” _and with a low _‘sha, heda’_, he did as he had been told.

“_Heda, there is no reason not to have that fool not be in a cutting pole. I will do it myself if I-”_

_“I would appreciate it if you would not do things I didn’t ask you for, Ontari” Klark_ said in a cold tone. Right now, she was _heda_, and she couldn’t have _trikru_ believing she would let _Ontari _disrespect her orders. Looking back at _Naikou,_ who was talking softly to _Leksa_, she decided to get closer, before turning around and telling the thirty _gona_ and three _fisa _to dismount their horses.

“_Leksa kom skaikru, _have no fear, I am nothing if not just. Your illness will not bring your death nor the death of your people.” _Klark _smiled to herself. She had always loved gonasleng, ever since her father taught her how to read it when she was little, but she never had much chance to use it. The only use was to give orders that had to stay away from the ears of civilians or prying ears.

All the kids around seemed to breathe a little better after that, but the tension was still palpable, until _Leksa _sat down and looked up to her.

“I’m sorry, _Heda_, I woke up not feeling too well, I meant no disrespect to you, or you or your warriors.”

“_Can’t she at least stand? This is ridiculous. What are these kids?” _to her big surprise, _Onya was_ the one who talked. “_Heda, may I request to send some gona to hunt? I believe they’re just tired and starving.” Ontari _snorted, but kept it subtle enough to be politely ignored. _Klark _nodded her head and _Onya _looked to her _gonakru_ and gave the orders.

“You will be fed by my warriors, and as soon as you have recovered enough, we will discuss everything.” She moved her focus from _Leksa_ to every other _skaikru_. “You may rest now; in a few hours you will be expected here.”

Everyone looked relieved and happy once they were dismissed. If Klark had learnt anything from ruling was that you could get a lot more from people being lenient and offering than asking and scaring around. Only _Okteivia _and a few other stayed around _Leksa. _The girl obviously worried about her friend, and the rest just keeping an eye on them.

_Klark_ sat down cross-legged on the floor in front of _Leksa_, even though it probably wasn’t the best idea since her army was right behind her watching her every move. Her _trikru_ army. Whatever, the _skaikru_ girl had something that drew her in, and she could do whatever she wanted as _Heda_.

“So,” _Klark _began, and felt more than saw _Ontari _sit next to her, “not that I am not used to being treated poorly in _trikru _land, but is there any particular reason you threw up on me?” _Klark _commented, trying very hard not to let her temper rise. She _knew_ that _Leksa_ probably had an excuse, but she had always been bad with anger. Too much like her own mother, she would usually lose her cool by anything, whether small or big.

“Oh, God,” the brunette mumbled. She paled considerably and _Klark _rolled her eyes and tried not to swear because she just knew what was coming; rambling, annoying barely understandable rambling. “I had a bad dream,” _Klark _frowned, confused, “and, I just, it’s not the first time it happens but, the dream feels real, and when I wake up, I feel so much pain, like I actually have been shot. And there’s all this blood and, I guess my stomach hurts so much I just throw up.” The end of her small rambling came out as less than a whisper, and if she hadn’t been paying attention she would have missed it entirely.

“Alright. _Naikou, have you checked her stomach yet?”_ when the man nodded she continued: “_any trace of physical trauma?” _a shake of his head. “_Do you think it’s possible to suffer physically from a dream? Vivid as it may be?”_

_“Yes, Heda. I have seen this, mostly between warriors who have suffered terrible wounds but not death. Their head plays tricks on them. It doesn’t always happen with dreams, sometimes it happens when they’re awake, too.”_

_“Thank you, Naikou. You may go join Linkon before he does something stupid.” _she joked and finally relaxed a little. The girl didn’t appear to have any injuries, but sometimes our heads could play the ugliest tricks on us anyone, so she wouldn’t punish the girl for something she didn’t do intentionally. Deciding that the kids were twitchy enough, she turned to _Ontari_ but talked in gonasleng: “So, _Ontari, _what do you think we should do with them?” She used a conversational tone, and raised an eyebrow just so _Ontari_ would know to play along and be nice. As nice as she could be…

“Well, _Heda,_ if she’s just sick in her head, we could overlook it, this one time.” _Ontari _grumbled. Her jaw was clenched so hard _Klark _was sure she was going to shatter some teeth. Trying not to laugh, but throwing half a smirk to her friend to make sure she knew she was enjoying this, she looked at the _skaikru_.

“_Ontari _seems to like you just fine,” a scoff from said girl, “that means I could let this go.”

“Oh, fuck yeah, I was so worried I think I popped my pants at some point” _Okteivia _laughed, and _Klark _felt a smirk form on her lips before she heard the rest of the small group start talking over each other, obviously much more at ease now. For some time, she just observed them, deciding that knowing them better would be the best thing to do. And she even made some remarks, because she wanted to watch them squirm under her gaze, friendly as it was at the moment.

Then, she noticed that _Leksa_ wasn’t talking at all and that she was just staring at her instead, brow furrowed and thoughtful expression. _Klark_ almost got lost in the very green eyes looking back at her before she snapped out of it and finally talked to the girl instead.

“You should enjoy this time with your friends_, Leksa_. I give you my word that nothing will happen. Not because of some throwing up, anyways,” she saw the girl give her a minute smile at that, but the staring didn’t stop.

“I just… feel like we have met before” _Leksa _whispered, and fucking hell, because _Klark_ knew exactly what she meant, she knew that she had woken up the morning she found her dreaming of her eyes and that when she had heard the girls voice it felt like they somehow_ knew_ who it belonged to. She also knew that _Ontari_ was paying close attention to the exchange even while she mocked _Okteivia_, so, as much as she wanted to understand, _Klark_ had already done enough to piss off _Ontari_ and make her suspicious of _Skaikru_. And then:

“Jeez, Lex, stop staring at Clarke. She’s pretty, get over it,” _Okteivia _scoffed, and while _Leksa _blushed and the rest of the kids snickered, _Klark _couldn’t help but stiffen because _Ontari _was almost growling. Yeah, calling Heda by her name in public was _not_ smart, but how would they know when _Leksa_, their supposed leader, was made fun of the entire time? _Klark_ just had to get curious instead of killing them all, and that was going to be one hell of a headache.

Before _Okteivia _had time to stop laughing at her own hilarity, _Ontari _was getting her favorite dagger from its sheath in the hidden belt on her right thigh and ready to slice her throat in one swift movement. Good thing _Klark _could defeat anyone in a knife fight with her hands tied and eyes closed. No one had time to process _Ontari_ close her distance to _Okteivia, _and much less _Klark_ disarm _Ontari _with one hand while using her momentum getting up to catch her left arm and leg in a lock and put the dagger to her neck. Her left hand already raised to get every _gona_ who already had a bow and arrow ready to calm down and not shoot.

“_Stand down, Ontari. Go see if Onya is back and if she’s not go haunt yourself. You’ve been on the edge for too long,”_ finally releasing her friend she got closer and grabbed her shoulder, in an attempt to show her she was not upset, not really, becaause _Klark_ knew she was just trying to protect her, she knew that if there was anyone in this coalition she could fully trust, it was _Ontari_. So she gave her arm a small squeeze and watched her leave. She’d probably just watch her from afar, anyways.

When she turned to the _Skaikru_ she found more or less what she had thought she would find. Everyone looking pale, scared and with all the mirth gone. Except _Leksa_, who was still staring at her, looking even more baffled than before.

“_Okteivia_ please refrain from calling me anything other than _Heda_ unless we are only around other _Skaikru_. Even then, I would not advice you use my name,” _Okteivia, _a bit less pale and a lot guiltier, about to apologize, was interrupted by a lanky guy:

“I’m so sorry, that won’t happen again, I swear,” and proceeded to grab _Okteivia_ and drag her inside the _dropship_.

“That… was Bellamy, Octavia’s older brother…” Oh. Oh, that made sense. “And yes, he usually is that dramatic. I’m Miller, by the way… uh, Heda, Nathan Miller. Those were some pretty impressive moves,” then he looked at the ground, completely flustered.

That gave way to everyone introducing themselves. _Monti, Jaspa, Mofi, Fin and Neithon, _all of them standing over _Leksa_, apparently ready to attack if needed. She wanted to laugh so badly, because she could take them down with one hand before they blinked, but what kind of leader would that make her? One that wasn’t bored out of her mind, probably.

“_Heda, your tent has been set up and everything is ready for your meeting with the skaikru leader” Gostos _said, having appeared right next to her. Sneaky big man, she was going to have a heart attack one of these days because of him.

“Everything is ready on my part. When you feel prepared to talk, walk to my tent and tell _Gostos_ to let you in,” at long last, _Klark _walked to her tent and collapsed on her throne. She had barely had a few minutes to herself when _Ontari_ came in.

_“These skaikru are going to get you killed, Klark. Send them to the dead zone, you don’t need more reasons for people to want your head.” Ontari _pleaded. _Pleaded. _She knew it was risky, but she also knew if she condemned a bunch of kids to die, she did not deserve to be Heda. Her father didn’t die for innocents to be sacrificed like pawns. Not again. She would never be anything like Nia.

_“I will deal with the consequences; I can’t let them just die. You kno_w _that’s not who_ I_ am. I would have liked you to stay in Polis; if anything happens to me the coalition will last days without you there,” Klark _let out a sigh, she was tired. So tired. _“I wish I had had time to end the conclave and call a successor before all of this happened”._

_“No one would have accepted me as your successor. I might be Natblida, but I am Azgeda and people know the only reason I am alive is because of Nia; there would be a coup before I got a single word out”._

_“That’s why I thought of Aden,” Ontari _glanced up, stunned. _“He trusts you, he agrees with my ruling and wouldn’t oppose to your ideas. He would seek your approval and advice. Most importantly, he hasn’t been brainwashed by Titus.”_

The silence that settled was tense yet _Klark _couldn’t help but be relieved. If _Ontari_ wasn’t straight up shouting and showing her disagreement, it meant that she was actually considering the idea. She hadn’t had the time to discuss this with her ahead. But she had to before it was too late. The chances she made it out alive were slim at best, she _needed_ the coalition. _Azgeda_ needed the coalition. Nia was going to fall, no matter when her fight ended.

Just when _Ontari_ was about to continue the conversation, _Gostos_ came in, _Leksa _right behind him. “Heda, I thought you wouldn’t like to wait for this”.

He then turned around and walked out, _Ontari _right behind him.

(She did look back once though, and _Klark _felt her stomach sink because she knew just as much that she was screwed, but she never wanted _Ontari_ to care. Not when she could die at any given moment.)

“_Leksa kom Skaikru_,” she was proud of how composed her voice sounded, how quick her body tensed and pulled her perfect Heda mask, “tell me what intentions you and your people have, and I might spare your life.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why did I end the chapter like that when i know damn well Clarke is a softie? because well, Lexa makes Clarke go big dummie.  
I promise no skaikru will be mercilessly killed ,, soon anyways


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting 5? days late because it was a holiday where I live and I've been drunk for 5 days and then got sick.. so yeah. This chapter is the very last one i have ready, so I might be posting late next time too... maybe, unless I get inspired and write super quick.
> 
> Also i really liked this chapter because theres rambling Clarke and fluff so truly uwu

Lexa was _not_ feeling better. The dizziness and pain in her stomach were seemingly only getting worse; so what was the point of making Clarke wait? What was the point of getting someone who had effortlessly taken down Ontari and stopped them from getting them killed in the blink of an eye? No, Lexa was many things, but not suicidal. So, if their only chance of survival was to please Clarke, she would gladly do it. It certainly helped that the blonde was easy to look at and that she made her feel… safe. As safe as someone who controlled your fate and everyone else’s could make you feel, anyway.

She looked to the place where Clarke had taken off to, Gustus was standing outside a huge tent, his eyes scanning everything around him while an equally huge man talked to him. Lexa couldn’t help but stare, because no one ever grew that much in the ark. You couldn’t exactly exercise, and the food was very limited and made to survive, not thrive, so everyone was slim and not exactly tall.

Ontari made her way to Clarke’s tent –or what she at least assumed was her tent- and got in, barely acknowledging Gustus with a nod. So, with all the strength she could muster, Lexa got up and (very slowly) made her way towards the tent.

“Are you sure you are ready to talk to _Heda_, _gada_? It looks like you can barely stand, and _Heda Klark _is good, but I don’t think she would like it if you threw up on her again,” Gustus was smiling, or smirking might have been a better word for the face he was making, but it didn’t exactly reassure her. Still, knowing that if she thought much about it she would change her mind, Lexa took a step closer to him and nodded.

“I would like to talk to her now, if she’s not busy with Ontari,” Gustus just raised an eyebrow and grabbed her shoulder to make her move (she might have let out a squeal, but no one would say anything about it), with his free hand, he opened the tent and got them both in.

“Heda, I thought you wouldn’t like to wait for this,” and with a small movement from Clarke both Gustus and Ontari got out.

“_Leksa kom Skaikru_,” Clarke said, her face stony and regal, “tell me what intentions you and your people have, and I might spare your life.”

Lexa could only swallow, she didn’t expect the blonde to be this… closed off. Then again, maybe she was just trying not to scare everyone else while they were outside, and now she could drop the act. She thought that maybe her friends could be getting killed while she talked to her, and the thought strangely got her to calm down, probably too numb to feel the fear.

“I don’t know what you could need from us, it’s obvious that you are far more fit to survive here than us, and that you could wipe all of us with no effort, so whatever you ask, we will help you,” Lexa’s voice came out calm, anyone would have thought she was not risking her life if she said the wrong word.

“So you would be willing to do anything I asked you to do?” Okay, Lexa didn’t expect her to say that, but it’s not like they had much of a choice… so she just let out a small ‘yes’. “Well, I thought you would be a lot… worse to deal with. If it were for me, I would let you stay here, but this is _Trikru_ land, so the last word would not be mine.

“I could have you stay in _Azgeda_, but not only would the cold temperatures and beasts kill you, but also _Kwin Nia _would not make a good host. Finally, there is Polis, people there would welcome you as long as you were willing to work, but you are outsiders… not even nomads from the dead zone, but people that could pass as _Maunon_…

“Tell me, _Leksa_¸ what would you do if you were _Heda_, and you knew that to save a hundred kids that could do nothing to help the coalition, to help us grow and end the _Maunon… _if you could only save them offering your own life, would you die?” Clarke’s face didn’t show any emotion, but Lexa felt herself getting dizzy. This was just like the Ark all over again, people would die _because of her_ no matter what she did. And she already had too much blood in her hands…

“I don’t know, Heda,” the disappointment in Clarke’s face was so obvious that she had to look down. They couldn’t do anything, she would _not_ have Clarke be killed for them to survive, nor did she want the hundred delinquents to die if she told her. They could go to the mountain, but they would either be killed by them or openly declare themselves enemies of the coalition by making friends with them… not that Lexa really wanted anything to do with Mount Weather if they did what the blonde had told them they did. She would rather have those people gone, and maybe use the technology there to contact the Ark… maybe… maybe, “maybe, we could help take down the mountain,” _that_ seemed to be the best plan, for both peoples.

“And how could you do that? We have been fighting the mountain before I was born? If you defeated them, or helped us defeat them, we could… I would make sure none of you ever were threatened, you would become part of the coalition, but how do you plan on doing so?” Clarke seemed… excited, at the prospect, at them having a chance to survive. And really, she offered to die to let a bunch of good for nothing kids live so maybe, maybe she was better than the council, better than the Ark.

“I… I-” Lexa had to sit down, too tired and…

“_Leksa_, should I call _Naikou_? I told you to come once you were feeling better, you stubborn-”

“I’m fine Heda, just, needed to sit down an- WOAH!” Lexa was _very_ rudely interrupted by Clarke lifting her up and carrying her bridal style towards a space in the tent that was covered before and gently placed on top of a _really, really_ comfortable bed made of furs and wool? Lexa was tempted to let her head fall and sleep for a whole week, but that would have to wait. “Heda, please, I _am_ fine,” but just as she made to get up, Clarke pushed her back down.

“I am going to go get _Naikou_, and you are going to stay here, laying down,” as much as Clarke’s voice didn’t exactly leave room for discussion, Lexa couldn’t help it, she _couldn’t _just do nothing while her… _people_ were at risk; couldn’t have Octavia think that something had happened to her because the blonde left the tent on her own to look for Nyko, because that wouldn’t end well, not at all. “I will be back before you notice, I can bring _Okteivia _with me so your friends can be at ease,” apparently being Heda included a training in mind-reading, which made Lexa turn beet red. She really hoped the blonde wasn’t able to read her mind since, you know, she had spent most of the time near her thinking how cute she was.

“Okay,” Lexa mumbled, resigned, and got more comfortable on the bed. If she had to do this, at least she was going to enjoy it. She didn’t even remember falling asleep.

; 

Next life, next life, _Klark_ thought, she was going to be born as a farmer, down in _Floukru_, have a simple life, away from politics; the cold, endless winters in Azgeda; away from any problems. She would have a wolf pet and hunt with it, like she had dreamed of doing when she was a child, and live alone in a hut, only ever seeing people in harvest season or to trade the very few stuff she couldn’t manage herself. She would maybe be a nomad, and no one would ever need her for anything.

But in this life, in this life, _Klark_ had to deal with twelve clans acting like children, fighting over land instead of trying to get the mountain out of the way; then she also had to deal with the mountain itself, the fog and the _ripas_, and then, there was Nia, who was her own problem herself. That apparently wasn’t enough, because now the blonde had to handle people falling from the sky, _children_ falling from the sky, in _trikru_ land (while she very much was almost tripping around the rambling mess of a brunette that had just thrown up over her, not that she was paying any mind to those thoughts).

She couldn’t be more thankful that _Okteivia_ was loud, because finding her was easy and provided a distraction from the murderous look (glare) Ontari was throwing her way, and her thoughts, her very quickly spiraling thoughts.

“_Okteivia,_ you’re coming with _Naikou_ and me,” she turned around and made a sign for the _fisa_ to join her, “right now, _Okteivia” Klark _had to cover the laugh that escaped her with a subtle (not subtle at all) cough when she heard the girl almost trip over and mutter something that sounded suspiciously close to ‘Yes, just, please, no Ontari’.

Once they were a safe distance from all prying ears, she looked down to the brunette, and after making sure Ontari was nowhere in sight, she whispered:

“I would be scared of Ontari, too.” Then took three fast steps so the darkness of her tent would cover the smirk she _knew_ she couldn’t fight off her face.

“Heda?”

“_Ah, Naikou, the girl is in my bed, she almost fainted before. Just tell her to eat and rest, she won’t listen to me.” _Watching the healer go to her private part of the tent left her almost scowling. Which was weird, because she didn’t have any trouble letting _Leksa_ stay there, unsupervised. Shaking those thoughts away, she turned to the minutely forgotten brunette.

“_Leksa_ fainted,” _real smooth Klark, that was amazing, no wonder you can lead the coalition._ She cleared her throat, “she obviously didn’t listen to me when I told her to only come here once she felt better. She was proposing something, and she collapsed. She is currently resting in my bed, and _Naikou_ is making sure she’ll listen this one time.

“No one is allowed in my room, but,” she looked away from _Okteivia, _bit her lip, continued talking, “however, and since I don’t want you to think I am lying and keeping your friend away or hurting her, you can check on her and then leave. But she will be staying here.”

“But if no one is allowed in your room… why is Lexa there? I am sure I could carry her to our tent with some help, I will make sure she rests and everything-”

“_Okteivia,” _it came out as a sigh, and _Klark _hated how tired she must have looked to the other girl. She hated that this _skayon_, as so many others, made her feel so at ease, enough to let her guard down. But it seemed to do the trick.

“Okay,” _Okteivia _looked down, “are we in trouble for what I did before? I swear Lexa had nothing to do with-”

“I know. I know,” _Klark_ couldn’t help but smile, “it’s very brave of you to accept the guilt when someone was putting a knife to your throat before. I like that you are willing to learn and protect your friend. You aren’t in trouble but, be careful.” Feeling done with being so soft, the blonde added: “now go before I change my mind, child.”

_Okteivia_ was gone to her room before she blinked, and by the time _Klark _decided to join them, the brunette was already turning around to leave. With a nervous smile, she nodded her head and disappeared. If she weren’t so used to most sounds people made, she would have missed how the kid tripped in her rush to flee the tent.

(Gods, she was grateful that _Okteivia_ could so easily make her smile and relax, even if she felt it would get her in trouble)

“I know this is your doing, Clar- _HEDA_! I know I don’t need bedrest, I was just a bit overwhelmed with how the day turned out, but I am fine.” _Leksa_ was ready to start rambling, and _Klark _was too tired to pretend she cared or to stop her. So she zoned out and when the other girl finally seemed to stop talking, she looked at the healer to confirm that he had done what she has asked.

“She is not to move from the bed until tomorrow, give her plenty of liquids, berries and food. She should be fine with some rest.” _Klark_ nodded and _Naikou_ took it as a sign to retire, mumbling a soft ‘_heda’_ before making his way out.

“I will go fetch some berries, if we are lucky, _Onya _will already be back and the meat is cooking. I also need to talk to my generals here, tell them to settle camp for a day or… probably more.” Looked like _she_ was the one rambling now, “Then I will get Ontari and _Onya, _and maybe_ Linkon _to make sure no one breaks a fight between our people. Ontari won’t harm a fly since I told her not to… _Onya _seems to pity all of you too much to hurt you and _Linkon_ is more curious than mad at you. Having _trikru_ on your side will make things easier if we end up working on an alliance, specially someone as important and respected as _Onya_. Also… _what?”_

_Leksa _was chuckling, poorly trying to cover it up with her hands (very soft, pretty hands, with nice long fingers and...), and apparently, asking her only made whatever she was laughing about funnier, because she let out a loud laugh, dropping both hands on the mattress, eyes wrinkling.

“Oh,” guffaw, “oh my god” snort. _Klark _bit her lip, because it was absurdly hard not to join the girl. “I am so sorry, I must be more,” shriek and a full red face. Laugh dying down, “tired… than I thought.” Panting a little, she smiled, seemingly recovered. “I just, I didn’t think you would start rambling, you seem so… put together, and uh, sorry.” _Klark _noticed, a little bit too late, probably, that she was blushing.

Heda did _not _blush. But then again, Heda also didn’t ramble. She was used to talking to herself, she thought better aloud, but she always did it when she was alone (or when she forgot Ontari was around, but she never made a big deal of it or _ever_ mention it). The fact that she had felt comfortable enough around someone she barely knew, someone she was letting stay in her room… it made the hair on her neck stand. She wasn’t someone who trusted easily, she probably didn’t really trust anyone, but tried her best to let them think she did.

She looked away, frowning. She would just go get the thing, talk to everyone, grab some furs for herself and sleep all… this off.

“Clarke?” she didn’t turn around, she had things to do. “Clarke? I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-”

The rest of whatever _Leksa _was going to say was muffled once she was outside. She took a deep breath she didn’t know she was holding and went on her way.

By the time she was done, everything in her body hurt. She hated this part of being a leader. She was always one to go stir crazy too fast, she needed training, she needed her muscles to hurt the _right_ kind of way, she needed the silence of moving through the forest being a part of it. The blonde considered a quick trip, but knew it wasn’t a good idea. It was already almost dark, she still had to bring the food to her unexpected guest, as well as gather the furs she would be using that night. Ontari had barely contained her surely very explicit opinion on her temporal roommate, (Monty had made some sort of jokes that all of the _skaikru _around him seemed to get but not her. ‘Oh, my god, they were roommates’… _skai_ people were… strange). Indra was not happy to be in a limbo with ‘those irresponsible children’, and _Onya _had mocked her about her becoming all soft around them.

_Klark_ was so ready to eat until it hurt and then pass out until _Ontari_ or _Gostos_ told her to get up. Not even a restless _and_ rambling _Leksa_ could make her feel anything but done with the day. The ‘_I really am sorry’_, ‘_please don’t be mad at me’_, ‘_or at least don’t be mad at the others’_, ‘_are you quiet because you’re mad at me or are you just a quiet person’_ and more of the same that the brunette kept saying lulling her and her exponentially fuller stomach into a very happy place of almost sleep.

Really, if she had just known that to survive a full day with _Leksa_ she just had to ignore the girl… she would have saved herself from so much trouble… (what trouble?). But then;

“Clarke? Are you asleep?” the whisper broke the spell, she opened her eyes and barely realized that she had at some point buried herself in the furs, taken off her armor and most her clothes, gotten rid of all her weapons, except her favorite knife she was currently holding in her makeshift bed. She groaned, she was so close to blissful sleep.

“Sorry, did I wake you? I didn’t mean to. I just still feel bad ab-”

“_Leksa_, gods, please stop rambling and let me sleep. I am not upset; I will not kill any of your friends nor you. I am very tired and I just want sleep. Please,” Heda did _not _beg, but she was so close… _so_ close… _Giggling, Leksa_ was _giggling_.

“Sorry, I really thought you were mad at me. I haven’t slept well ever since we landed, worrying about silly things compared to what you must worry about all the time. And then you start rambling and acting like a sleepy kid and just… I didn’t think the leader of the coalition, someone so scary and strong would be so _cute_.”

There was a thick silence then, and _Klark _was so glad it was dark, because she was blushing _so _hard._ Leksa _thought she was cute? She hadn’t taken a proper bath in weeks and had threatened her and all her people but _Leksa_ thought she was cute? Her head stopped working and then:

“Oh, my god, I am so sorry, that was so inappropriate and I am just so tired and, and… and I am just going to shut up forever.” She heard the telltale sound of _Leksa_ rolling around in her furs and some groaning.

_Klark _couldn’t help it, she burst out laughing. She laughed so hard; she didn’t remember the last time she had laughed so hard (or laughed at all).

“It’s alright. Gods, _Leksa_, it’s, it’s so, so alright.” She was _tearing up_. She was laughing so hard she was crying, and by the time she was able to calm down, the other girl was laughing too. “Thank you, I don’t think I remember the last time I laughed like this.”

“You’re welcome,” and then nothing. She waited, expecting the _skayon_ to say something else, but everything seemed to be said for the day, and she couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed that she wouldn’t hear _Leksa’_s voice again until the next day.

“Okay, sorry. I’m shutting up now, I just thought I should say good night, so good night.”

_Klark _just snorted, she was in so much trouble.

“_Reshop, Leksa.”_

(She dreamed of green eyes again, but she didn’t really mind)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea when the next chapter will be up because really... im so lazy. someone yell at me so i do what im supposed to
> 
> also hope yall liked this chapter because i sure did u///u


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh... so sorry for the long wait.... school... ah.....  
But there is a new bts comeback so my energies are fully restored now, bless.
> 
> Anyway, beware of the mistakes i might have made and the (possible) fluff

_Klark_ was very confused; she had gone to sleep in her furs, far away from _Leksa_ and curled up in a way that made it almost impossible to move in her sleep, and yet, when she opened her eyes, the night still dark and closed, she was practically _cuddling_ the brunette, limbs intertwined. Somehow they _both_ had found their way around each other. She knew she should move, but _Leksa_ was cuddled up against her, head on her chest, breath even and almost as loud as to be considered snoring, left hand gripping the undershirt the blonde used to sleep and the other holding a few strands of her hair.

And _really_, she needed to move, but the girl had looked exhausted and ill all day and now she just looked like someone her age, resting peacefully, no signs of distress or worries. She just looked so… peaceful (and unnervingly _beautiful_); she had killed people (so, so, so many people), had them punished, tortured, publicly humiliated, exiled… she was a ruthless leader, she had to be, many lives depended on her. The coalition, peace, _Azgeda_ finally getting a chance to get rid of Nia and _thrive_. She did everything because she had to, and she didn’t hesitate, just like she didn’t hesitate to put her life on the line every day. So yes, she was a ruthless leader. Ruthless, but just.

She just couldn’t understand why _Klark_, one of the youngest Heda, the one that had united the clans, that people loved and followed with few exceptions, was so… powerless when it came to _Leksa_.

(she did know, deep down; it was the same reason it was terrifyingly easy to get lost in green eyes and forget about war and politics and just, run away, far south, and just enjoy a life with-)

She was like this with all the _skaikru_, she had a bit of a weak spot for some people, like _Gostos, Reida, Onya _and_ Ontari, _among very few others. But… _Leksa_ was just something else. She was so drawn to the woman, like it physically hurt her to not to touch or feel or see the brunette at all times. She couldn’t _not_ follow her voice and enjoy the soft musicality of it (like the wind of late spring in _Azgeda, _when it would warm up enough to visit the lakes and swim mindlessly, her _nontu_ watching her over the shore with a peaceful smile and-).

So she didn’t move. She held _Leksa_ closer, felt the girl sigh into her collarbones, as if she felt as relieved as _Klark_ that she hadn’t chosen to move, she buried her face in brown locks of hair and fell asleep without a single worry. Her mind only occupied with the girl in her arms.

Waking up in the Polis tower makes _Klark_ a little confused, she doesn’t know how she got there, but it’s too real to be a dream, so she gets up, noticing that she doesn’t have her usual clothes and her knives are nowhere to be seen; more than a little wary. But then she sees _Leksa _and –stupidly- calms down. Except _Leksa_ is wearing armor and her Heda red cape on the shoulder pauldron, war paint on, but she gives _Klark_ a soft smile when she sees her

(_Klark _melts at the sight; she thanked all deities for this vision)

and says _Klark_ with perfect _trigedasleng_ and maybe, just maybe, the blonde feels a flush overtake her.

It feels… normal, seeing the brunette like this, so she doesn’t even question just why _Leksa_ is Heda or why she holds her hand and squeezes in a soft gesture that makes Clarke’s knees feel weak. It’s good. It’s so ridiculously good. She’s exactly where she should be-

_“Klark, for the last time, get up or I’ll kill the skaigon and then kick your ass for making yourself look like a lovesick puppy” _

_Ontari_; of course that had been a dream. A dream that made so much sense and felt so real-

_“No need for blood, Ontari. We must have moved in our sleep.” Klark_ hoped the older girl can’t see the way she squeezed _Leksa_, reluctant to let go (she’s never felt more like she belongs), and, with no little effort, she moved from beneath the sleeping girl. As soon as _Leksa _wasn’t on top of her, _Klark_ got cold and, if she were being honest, a little upset (a lot upset).

She got momentarily distracted when the brunette moved around in her sleep, obviously looking for her and letting out a small whine when she wasn’t able to find her.

_“Are you done babysitting her? Let’s go train so you can clear your mind and finally see that these people will be your undoing.” Ontari_ started walking, making her way out the tent, _“Maybe if I hit you hard enough for your empty head to start thinking.”_

She let the older girl talk while she got ready and made to follow the girl. Maybe beating up and being beaten up by the girl would do some good and make her stop wanting to just _be_ with the brunette.

Turned out that training was exactly what she needed; it had been too long –a whole moon- since she had last enjoyed training with her friend, and she found out how much she had missed it. Her muscles were burning, there were fresh cuts on her skin, her heart pumped healthily. She hadn’t thought about _Leksa_ at all (much).

Dealing with the few hours of talking to _Onya _and _Indra _was much easier after being exhausted by a ruthless _Ontari –_the other girl had even smiled while and after sparring. But then, as she went to her tent, knowing she couldn’t delay the talk with _Leksa _anymore, her mood went down. She knew that she could not help the _Skaikru_ unless they actually came up with a plan for the _Maunon_, as much as she would love to just help the _Skaikru,_ and _Leksa_, especially _Leksa_. But she knew that most people in the coalition wouldn’t agree.

Were she not _Azgeda_, she could have thought about it. But her popularity was already low. She had many people looking for reasons to kill her; some were already actively trying to kill her. Adding the _Skaikru_ to the mix wouldn’t do well for either her or them. As soon as she died, no one in the coalition would stand up for them, that was if the coalition even existed once she wasn’t there to fight for it.

So, when she went to her room, expecting to find _Leksa_ moody or asleep, she almost jumped out of her own skin when, instead, she found _Ontari _talking to the girl. They both seemed at ease, her friend smiling and the _skai gada _red faced and giddy.

“You didn’t tell me Ontari was so much fun. And here I thought she was all bite and no bark at all.” _Leksa _was smirking a little, and if _Klark _didn’t know any better, she could have sworn the two brunettes had been friends for years.

“Uh, I, well.” Speechless, _Klark _was completely speechless. The Heda of the coalition of 12 clans, respected by many, undefeated, raised Azgeda, survived Nia’s ways, was left speechless by Ontari, which wasn’t exactly surprising; the surprise was that they were sitting close, and looked like they were just catching up.

“_Leksa_ has been telling me that she plans to help us defeat _Maunon_ in exchange to join the coalition. You do know what happens if the _Maunon _disappear, don’t you?”

Right. If the _Maunon _were out of the picture, the coalition would solidify. It was the reason people had decided to fight together after all. It would mean that she could take down Nia without fearing that the _Azgeda_ would retaliate against her. If _Skaikru_ did manage to help them take down the mountain… then she would make sure they had a place to be safe. It didn’t matter if the cost was her life, she was used to betting on it and it had worked well so far.

“Ontari told me a lot about the mountain. She also told me than one of the… _Trikru_?” She looked at Ontari, who glared menacingly. “_Azgeda_? Yes, Azgeda, escaped the mountain once, so she knows more than anyone else.”

“Ontari, please, stop telling people that _Ekko _talked to you; the only reason she wasn’t tortured about the information is because she was in shock and couldn’t remember _anything_,” _Klark _pretty much growled.

“I already told her not to talk about anything she tells you or me, unless told otherwise. I told her that if people asked about why they know things they shouldn’t, she could just say that it’s because of their knowledge of _Tek_,” of course, the brunette was smirking.

“So, if the tunnels are really connected to Mount Weather, that means that they work with the reapers there, right? Or that they use them. If we could hide in the tunnels and wait for the Maunon to do whatever they do with them… we could get an opening, we could get inside. If the reason they are hiding is really because radiation kills them… we could _cause_ a breach, let mother nature do her thing. You wouldn’t even need and army to-” Lexa’s plan was interrupted by the commotion outside. People were screaming, and _Klark_ could hear the sound of swords being unsheathed.

The blonde didn’t hesitate for a second before running outside. For whatever reason, most _trikru_ were trying to attack the _Skaikru_, while _Onya _and Indra tried to stop the slaughter.

“_ENOUGH!” _as soon as they heard _Klark, _everyone stopped and looked at her, not caring about anything else, she looked at _Onya_, and without a single word, the general approached her and explained the situation.

_“Something else fell from the sky, Heda. The kids said it was another ship but they had no idea what it meant. Apparently only one person can travel in it. The troops got uneasy because they thought they were being led into a trap. They wouldn’t wait for your word.” Klark_ just clenched her jaw. She was used to _trikru _being worse than other clans, because of the rivalry between them and _Azgeda_, however, explicitly disobeying orders? That was just a step too far.

_“Everyone that has not followed Onya’s and Indra’s orders not to attack has declared themselves an enemy of the coalition. Going against me means declaring war on all the clans that have put their trust on every warrior to defend their people against the Maunon. Every one of you except five of Indra’s and Onya’s choosing will go back to TonDC and be replaced by others.” _Not waiting for people to speak back, she turned to _Gostos_. “_Inform Leksa and Ontari of what has happened. I need Ontari to watch over here while I go to the place that ship landed. Leksa and two other skaikru of her liking will come along with you, Reida, and Naikou.” _She turned around to wait for everyone to do their thing.

The day really couldn’t get worse.

__

Lexa was going to kill whoever had come down in that ship. The relationship with the grounders was already on thin ice, and now Ryder, Gustus and Clarke (god, the blonde hadn’t even looked her way) were ready to snap at any moment.

Octavia and her brother Bellamy –because he wouldn’t let his sister go alone, so instead of taking Monty like she had wanted, she begrudgingly agreed before their indecision made their truce with Heda even less steady.

After what felt like hours walking, or more like tripping over everything to keep up with the three grounders, they got to an opening with a creek, they found the ship, which had surprisingly survived (mostly) the landing. Inside, there was a person, a girl. Raven fucking Reyes. Lexa let out a squeak before rushing to get there, to the surprise of the grounders.

“O! Help me here! It’s Raven!” Lexa shouted over her shoulder before finally opening the big gate and checking on the girl. “She’s bleeding! She’s bleeding a lot… Fuck…”

Before she could get any more nervous she felt a hand on her shoulder, one which, to her shock, didn’t belong to Octavia. “Let me have a look at her before she loses more blood, _Leksa_”.

Nodding numbly, she let Clarke check Raven while Octavia got to her side and pulled her in a comforting side hug. Lexa, however, was too distracted by the blonde, who, besides being a leader and scary warrior, was also a doctor, or a healer, as Gustus would inform her later.

“She seems alright. It looks like she passed out from falling rather than hitting her head. The cut on her forehead seems superficial. I would be more worried about her legs, if she hit them falling at that speed she might not be able to walk.” All Clarke said was with confidence and it made Lexa feel like the biggest weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

“Thank you Heda. It means a lot. _She _means a lot.” The blonde looked at her weirdly for a few seconds before, looking away and nodding, or shaking her head, the brunette wasn’t really sure.

She then proceeded to clean and cover the cut and talk to Gustus in trigladish… or whatever the language was called. She didn’t understand a word she said, but Gustus did, and he got a rug out from the leather bag he was carrying and, as soon as Clarke was finished parching Raven up, the laid the unconscious girl on it and lifted it.

“Let’s go back to your camp, then. I’d rather not find all your people dead when we get there.”

While everyone, except Clarke and Bellamy started their way back, the last two remained by the broken down ship, and it seemed like the older Blake was trying to do something that the Heda didn’t really agree with.

“Bellamy! What are you waiting for? Raven needs an actual place to rest! Hurry up!” Octavia hollered at her brother, making everyone else cringe. Stealth wasn’t the girls forte, but screaming at the top of your lungs was definitely a bad idea in everyone’s books. Not in Octavia’s, obviously.

Lexa hissed a small “shut up” to her friend, who just shrugged apologetically before dragging her complaining brother away.

“Sorry about Bellamy, Heda. He usually is not that stubborn,” Lexa lied between her teeth. He had always been trouble, but she couldn’t just tell the blonde that…

“You have met, _Ontari, Leksa, _I think we both know what it’s like to have someone so headstrong by our sides,” Clarke said, mirth in her eyes. Lexa couldn’t be more confused, a few moments before, the leader had been nothing but cold. She looked like she was not killing them not to steer a war, and yet, here she was now, _joking_ with Lexa. Her shock must have shown, because the blonde smirked slightly before nudging her with her shoulder and walking ahead. Throwing a “Are you coming?” over her shoulder.

Shaking her head, and blushing too much, before finally catching up with the rest. Apparently, the truce was not broken and Clarke, didn’t hate her. Not that the last part was important, clearly.

(except it really was and Lexa couldn’t stop the small flutter in her stomach when she saw that the blonde still had a small smile playing on her lips when she turned around to check she hadn’t imagined the whole interaction)

After the injured girl, _Raivon,_ woke up, _Leksa_ immediately dragged her to her tent, with an amused _Gostos _and outwardly enjoying herself _Onya _escorting them_. Leksa_ then decided to quickly catch _Raivon _up with everything, including what _Ontari_ had said she wouldn’t share about the mountain, while ignoring _Klark, Ontari _and a very unamused _Indra._

“Okay, so you want me to use my unmatched intelligence to make those Mount Wee-wee kids cry? That’s gonna be fun. Didn’t know you still had it in you, Woods,” and with a wink to her friend and a mock bow to _Klark,_ _Raivon _left the tent.

“Does every single one of you _skaikru _have to be this impertinent and have no sense of self-preservation? If this had happened outside, we would have had to tie your friend to a pole and have her punished,” _Ontari_ hissed.

“I like the girl, she has guts, seems smart. I wanna keep her. Can I keep some of them, _Klark? I promise I won’t choose Leksa,” Onya _said, and even if the last part was said so the _skaikru_ girl wouldn’t understand, _Klark _still felt herself blush. She heard _Indra _chuckle, even if she tried to make it pass as a cough.

“_You don’t have to be subtle, Leksa keeps sighing every time Heda doesn’t look at her” Ontari_ says, enjoying herself, “_Just this morning when I came to wake her they were-”_

_“_Enough, please,” _Klark _mutters, feeling so embarrassed that she fears she will be red faced forever. She didn’t have to beg, not really, but she knew that everything happening in the tent was friendly banter, and that nothing of what happened inside would be shared with anyone. She trusted everyone there, including, rather begrudgingly, _Leksa_, so she let it be.

_Leksa_ was smiling softly, not understanding but _understanding_ the feeling of comradery and the complete lack of tension, before speaking: “I will go make sure Raven behaves, try to come up with some ideas for the Mountain. Thank you for helping her, Clarke.” Then she turned around, and left; everyone else took that as a queue to follow the _skai gada_, so _Klark _could finally collapse on one of the chairs by the table, and munch on some bread and dry meat.

The day was almost done, the only light now coming from the many fires around the dropship and the makeshift camp of the warriors that had come from TonDC while she was away. She could feel the way the day was catching up on her, and she wanted nothing more than to sleep. But as she laid on her furs, the only thing that she could think of was that they smelled like _Leksa_ and the way they had woken up together, tangled up, perfect, like it was exactly where they belonged, in each other’s arms. Tempted to go and look for the girl to sleep near her, knowing that it wasn’t possible. It made _Klark’s _mind reel.

“Clarke?” A soft voice called from the tent. She was pretty sure she was dreaming. Why else would _Leksa _be calling for her, in the middle of the night? Why else would she be on the other side of the tent, only being separated by a few furs that marked when her bedroom started and her war and throne room ended?

“_Leksa?” _She still called back, in a whisper, because she _had _to be dreaming. The brunette took that as her queue to step in, shyly looking at her feet.

“I, uh, I couldn’t sleep. I’ve been… just… rolling back and forth on my bed… and well… Octavia got fed up and kicked me out… So I was wondering if I could, maybe, sleep here? I told Gustus you told me to come if I felt bad, and, and I know you didn’t, but I didn’t know what else to say to explain that I was here and I just, didn’t really wanna sleep… anywhere else-”.

As endearing as it was to watch the girl ramble, _Klark _took pity on her, quickly rearranging the furs so they both would fit, “just come here before I hit you. What did I tell you yesterday about rambling and not letting me sleep?” _Klark _hoped she had sounded bitter, and not as excited as she was.

When _Leksa_ had at last made herself comfortable, they laid in silence, for long enough for _Klark’s_ body to find comfort in the girl’s presence and start dozing off.

“You’re not mad, are you?” _Leksa _whispered, shaking her off of her almost sleep. And she couldn’t suppress the small giggle that left her mouth, too tired and comfortable to fight it.

“I am not, _Leksa. _But I will be if you don’t let me sleep.” It all came out as a bit of a drawl, but she just hoped it served to calm the girl’s nerves.

“Good. Good. Ok, good night, Clarke.”

“Good night, _skai gada_,” she was asleep in as soon as she closed her eyes.

(she woke up in the middle of the night, only to find herself cuddling the brunette again. she just held her closer and went back to sleep. she was too tired to pretend that here wasn’t exactly where she wanted to be)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have changed my mind a little about the direction of the story, so ...  
Ill hopefully update sooner than last time.  
Until next time,  
Koda


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im back pretty soon. This chapter is short because is mostly a filler before things start moving forward.  
Thanks for sticking around.

It had been a whole week. A whole week of planning non-stop. Of meeting not only with Clarke but with Anya and Indra, among other generals. Some warriors and generals from other clans had arrived, the ones closer to trikru. Lexa was glad that besides the small banter and misunderstandings, everyone seemed to be getting along just fine. She was certain that it was because of Clarke; the leader made sure everyone was comfortable. She had the most problematic and energetic ones training, hunting, setting things up… anything to keep them busy. She included many kids from the dropship in those things, partly so they’d learn, partly because everyone was restless.

Lexa, however, was absolutely exhausted. Between Anya and Ontari, she spent the little time she wasn’t planning or meeting with warriors training. Clarke had told her to take it as a compliment, that it simply meant that both women liked her enough to help her. And she was thankful, really, she was. But she was tired of barely being able to stay awake before the sun set.

Another big problem, was that she was getting a little bit too used to the blonde leader. During breakfast, the older girl –she had learnt Clarke was almost two years older than her-, would sit down with her and tell her who wanted to meet with her and who she couldn’t say no to. She told her of any news that might be relevant, of the movement of the different clans, of the approaching cold season, of any news about the fog. Some days, the less busy ones, she would teach her some trigedasleng words and sentences.

At lunch, either Ontari or Anya would drag her back from the training pits to sit down next to Clarke, because it was usually them guarding the blonde, and to report any information they may deem important. She never really caught more than a few words here and there, but whatever they whispered to the leader, she usually ended up snapping at them and barely looking at anyone, much less Lexa, and lunch would be spent in silence, awkward and uncomfortable at first but that would end up in a nice small talk and would have Lexa looking for excuses not to leave the girl’s side.

After lunch, Lexa would follow Clarke like a puppy to every meeting or would be dragged back to train if the blonde was too busy or otherwise preoccupied. Ontari would laugh at her for being sore and not being able to lift the sword (yes, a real sword) properly when she started to get too tired and Anya would mock her and tell her that Clarke wouldn’t like her back if she didn’t get better. Lexa would just blush and ignore those comments as much as she could. She had learnt the hard way that stuttering a defense was not a good idea.

At the end of the day she would have dinner with the rest of the hundred, trying very hard not to fall asleep on her food with the comfort of the fire and the sound of laughs. She had tried to go to sleep without food once, but it had proved to be a bad idea because then a very grumpy and sleepy Clarke had had to show her were the leftovers were because, really, she trained too much to skip any meals. Right after inhaling her food, she would beeline to her tent and try and try to sleep, only to wait for everyone else to be in bed and out of sight to “sneak” to Clarke’s tent. The guards would just raise their eyebrows at her at that point, but she only looked down trying to hide her blush.

All in all, possible annihilation aside, it was a great time. The biggest downside was that Lexa was absolutely, terribly and irrevocably crushing on Clarke. Maybe more than crushing. She was way too gay for this leading alongside the grounder goddess that was Clarke, and the blonde throwing smiles or smirks or knowing looks at Lexa every time she had an opportunity also didn’t help. The random touching was just something else… but… every time she woke up cuddled up to the blonde, hidden away in the crook of her neck, with nothing but the smell of _Clarke_ everywhere, being held close and warm? Yeah, Lexa was absolutely screwed.

Obviously, she was too smart (or scared) to actually try anything, so she just stared at the blonde and sighed randomly and pinned uselessly. So far, only Octavia, Raven, Ontari and Anya had noticed, or _mocked_ her about it at the very least.

To sum it up, Lexa was absolutely ready to fight the mountain, that way the chances of dying and not having to keep embarrassing herself would be higher. At least she could stop falling for the leader of everyone alive on the ground if they finally went different ways.

That was a bit of a lie. She liked Clarke; not only in the “you’re so attractive I would happily kiss you for the rest of my life” like, but in the way that she made Lexa feel grounded and listened to and safe. And really, the brunette didn’t understand how someone so powerful and so strong could be so gentle.

“Okay… since you haven’t been listening to anything I’ve said, I think it’s time we call it a day and you go eat something,” Clarke said, effectively shaking her out of her reverie. The blonde looked more amused than anything, but Lexa still felt herself blush. “Should I tell _Ontari _and _Onya _to take it easy with you? I know they mean well, but you aren’t used the kind of training they are making you go through, I could just… scare them a little…” even if she said it with a joking tone, the worry was obvious in her tone, and Lexa couldn’t help but swoon a little. Just a little though.

“It’s fine. I just got distracted thinking about…” _you_ “things.”

“Everything alright? Do you think any of our plans will fail?”

“No. No. Just, teenager stuff…” Lexa said cringing a little, because of course she couldn’t keep it in her pants long enough not to worry her crush, who had more important things to worry about than her infatuation, like her very own life being at risk for helping them.

“Perhaps you would like to discuss that with _Reivon_? She is a good friend for you, isn’t she? Maybe _Okteivia_?”

“I, uh, mmm…” of course Clarke would be an absolute gentle woman and not dismiss her own issues as nothing and still care for her wellbeing, as if Lexa wasn’t already in lov- nope, not going there. “I’m fine, really. Nothing some food and rest can’t fix.”

“Okay,” the blonde said softly, “but you’ll tell me if anything bothers you?”

“Yeah, of course. Don’t worry, Clarke.”

Trying to calm down her stuttering heart, Lexa digged into her food before going back to her tent. She would only be there for a little bit anyways, before joining the other leader.

  


  


_Klark_ was screwed. So, so, so screwed. She was dreading the day they’d go into the mountain. She didn’t care if they won or not (that was a lie, she did care), because then she’d have to leave, and that meant leaving _Leksa_ behind and she wasn’t sure she’d be able to ever sleep again without the girl by her side. She was head over the heels for her, she didn’t even care about the mocking _Onya, Ontari _and sometimes _Reivon _would throw her way. She had always been honest with herself, it was already hard enough to trust people to not to trust herself, too.

So, in conclusion, she was screwed. She had caught herself a few times about to kiss the girl, which wouldn’t be so terrible if it hadn’t been in public. She was pretty sure the brunette felt the same as her, anyways.

And thus, she kept making excuses to avoid the upcoming war. But in two days, she would lead the greatest army the coalition had ever seen, along with the _skaikru_ and some of the _fayogons _they had found and the handy _tek Reivon_ had gathered and fixed up. With _Leksa_ by her side. She was scared she would lose the girl before she even had a chance to have her.

She felt a pang in her chest when she thought of her friend, _Wels_, who had been her only friend and companion when her father was gone. He had been killed because of her. Because she hadn’t been strong enough, because she had been a threat to _Nia_, because she was cursed.

She couldn’t afford herself to think like that. Couldn’t let herself believe that _Leksa _would die, much less because of her. She would protect her until her dying breath. She would take on the mountain herself and kill every single _Maunon_ with her two hands if she had to.

“Can I come in?” she heard _Leksa _ask from above her, close to the door.

“You don’t have to ask, _goufa_,” the term mostly something out of endearment at that point, but _Leksa_ scoffed all the same. _Adorable._

“You’re only two years older than me, old woman,” the brunette answered, all fast wit and sharp smirks that made _Klark_ soft. Or softer. Pulling her close, she hummed an affirmative.

“Then warm me up, my feet don’t stay as warm as they used to.”

_Leksa_ laughed against her collarbones, making her shiver, before mumbling a ‘good night’ and going slack against her. _Klark _just held her closer before drifting off to sleep as well.

  


  


_Klark_ was going to do it. She was going to tell _Leksa_ to go with her back to Polis. She was going to kiss her and she was going to spend the rest of her life celebrating the peace in the coalition with the brunette by her side.

She was going to war in a moment and she wouldn’t go without telling the other girl how she felt.

“You called for me, Heda?”

She stiffened at that. She didn’t expect the formality, not when they were alone. Maybe she had misunderstood? Maybe _Leksa_ had just needed someone to hold her before going to war but didn’t want _Klark _that way? Ignoring the way her heart clenched, she walked towards the other girl, nodding.

“Just wanted to make sure everything was ready on your part,” she could be professional about it, and she did have to check on the _skaikru_. “Have everything ready so we don’t find ourselves compromised in the field.”

_Leksa_ answered shortly, going straight to the point and looking like she wanted to be anywhere but there, so _Klark_ spared her of the trouble and dismissed her as soon as she could.

When the girl had left and she was alone again, she braced herself on the war table, where all the maps were and tried not to focus on the knots in her stomach. She was a murderer, someone that people could rely on as a leader but not as a friend. She got everyone she loved killed, she had told _Leksa_ all this, maybe not with a lot of details, but enough for the girl to understand. And she didn’t want anything to do with someone like her. She couldn’t say she didn’t understand, a part of her was glad that she wouldn’t have to worry about the other girl dying because of her. The spirits knew she already had enough blood on her hands.

So she called for _Gostos_ to call for _Ontari _and send her friend to command her part of the army, then _Onya_, then _Indra_ and, finally, the _sankru _general that would hold the small army that would accompany _Reivon _to the turbines.

Once she had gotten all her armor and war paint on, she left the tent, chin raised. She was only _Heda, _couldn’t afford to be _Klark_.

“_KOM WAR!_”

Her men roared back at her before marching.

She spared one last glance at _Leksa_ before joining them. Today, they would end the war that had started decades ago, all that mattered was winning. Nothing else.

She would burn the mountain down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont know how to feel about this one. let me know if you like where the story is going or if you want to murder me in my sleep?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god its been so long but this quarantine kinda killing me and my mental health. this chapter is so short and i kinda hate the outcome- my writerblock hitting hard this time fr.  
better news? the story from here is what i had actually imagined it would go so i hope my inspiration stops running away and i can update more often...   
yeah.  
uh? enjoy?

It was all a blur from the moment Clarke called for war. Getting inside the mountain was not easy. As Raven had said, they had cameras, guns, the fog. But thanks to all the fuel and scrap pieces they had scavenged from the ship, they blew the door up. And Raven must have actually blown up the dam (or part of it, she didn’t really understand the concept) because all lights went off.

After that, everything was blood, many grounders died, some of the delinquents, too, all in all, it was a shitty and unfair fight. There wasn’t enough fire power for them to tear through the Maunon, but they did.

Monty fell to the ground when a mountain man hit his head with a gun, but Clarke ripped his head before the coward could do anything else. Clarke was helping Monty up, when he let out a shout:

“Radiation! They can’t stand the radiation. The air from outside is getting here, look at their faces, their bodies. We need to find a way to radiate this whole place”

“Level five,” Clarke said, staring at the body burning with radiation. “There is… something. A control room, you can do it there.” Everyone stared at the heda, confused. She said something too quick in trig for Lexa to catch it, but the two gonas obviously did, because the left what they were doing and stood next to them, waiting for Lexa to give orders.

Clarke was already fighting more Maunon before she could ask how the hell she could know that. It clearly wasn’t the right moment.

Lexa decided to just go to where the blonde had said, with Monty, along with Murphy, Bellamy and the two sankru. With the help of the grounders, and having left behind where the main fight was, it was easy to tear through every level and get to the place Clarke somehow knew would be there.

Once inside the control room, Bellamy, Murphy and the grounder gona took three of them out before the leader spoke loudly:

“What you are doing here is genocide! And for what? For those savages with sticks and arrows? You believe you will win, but you can’t! Look at this!” He pointed at the screen behind him, where Raven and Octavia where being held down, covered in blood. It _did_ seem like they had blown up the generators… and more. The corpses of both _skaikru, _grounders and Maunon were piling up. She couldn’t see the blonde. But she did see Ontari punching people, apparently having lost her swords. Anya slicing through people like butter, covering up for everyone else.

Lexa felt bile rise up to her throat. People were going to die because of _her_, again. People were _already_ dying because of her.

“_You_ are the savages. You think you are above them, only because you have tech, but you can’t even survive outside. Maybe that’s the way of nature of telling you to _fuck off_. So you won’t make me feel bad about wiping you out.” Lexa didn’t really feel the speech, but Monty was still working on the several computers to do whatever the fuck he was supposed to do to irradiate the building.

“Too bad you won’t make it,”

At least ten guards were at the door, guns pointed at them. The grounder finished the three people they were holding before trying to close the door, Bellamy throwing himself at Monty to cover him and Murphy holding the president with a gun to his head.

The door closed, but the grounder had been shot and was barely holding up, the door wouldn’t last, especially since they had broken the locking system to get in.

“TELL THEM TO STOP, OLD MAN!” Murphy angrily shouted.

“If I have to die for my people, then so be it.” But then, there was only silence outside. “COME IN! GET RID OF THEM! DON’T WORRY ABOUT ME!”

But the only thing that came through the door was blood, almost a pool of it.

“Lexa! It’s ready, use that lever and the mountain will be history!” Monty yelled.

“Don’t! There are innocents here, children!”

“Should have thought of it before killing and bleeding thousands,” Lexa, closed her eyes, and before she could change her mind, she pulled the lever.

“NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE! YO-” but his speech was cut short as the radiation took care of him, slowly burning him alive. Until only the gurgling sound of burning flesh could be heard. Apart from the constant hum of the huge computers, nothing could be heard, but to Lexa, everything was too loud, her heartbeat resonated inside her like every life she had just taken was now living inside her. Her breathing becoming erratic and painful, dots filling her vision, she slid down to the floor and sat down, feeling too numb to do anything else.

The door opened then, making the grounder holding it fall to the floor, before quickly getting on his knees before a bloodied, frenzied _Klark_ got into the room.

“Help everyone out there to move the wounded outside so they can be tended. When that’s done, help with the death so they can be given proper rest. Leave the Maunon inside. Now!” Everyone started moving, too shocked to try to complain, even though she doubted the _gona _would do much.

“C’mon now, _Leksa_, we need to get out of here.” Rationally, she knew she wouldn’t get an answer, the brunette seemed to be in deep shock, but she had to try to keep her as grounded as possible. Carefully picking the younger girl up in her arms, she carried her to the closest exit, in this case, the main door of the bunker. It was less busy, since most casualties had happened closer to the tunnels.

No one spared her a second look, too in awe of what had just happened. She finally sat the girl down once they were outside, and trying not to make matters worse by startling her, sat down behind her to hold her.

“It’s alright, _Leksa_. I know it isn’t easy, but it had to be done. You saved thousands of my people. _Our _people. _You_ saved your friends. _You_ got the people from your _ark_ a chance to be welcomed into the coalition and survive. You killed monsters, _demons_ that have haunted us for generations, and in exchange, you saved thousands of people, sons and daughters, and parents who would have been taken or killed by the fog. You saved us. _You _saved _me._” _Klark_ felt the girl shake in her arms, letting out choked sobs and curling up against her.

“I k-killed th-them all. I didn’t e-even hesitate… I just… just… did it.” _Leksa _let out between heart wrenching sobs.

“I know. I know. But _Leksa, ai niron,” klark_ flinched at the slip,_ “_you saved so many people. You didn’t hesitate because you _knew, _whether you did it or not, it had to be done. You did it because you would rather carry such burden than let someone else do it. You are _so _good, _Leksa,_ you did not do it for power or revenge. You did it to help your friends and my people. You barely know my people and yet you were willing to die and kill for them. Let me help you. Let me share this with you.”

There was nothing with sniffling sounds, hiccups and sobs for a while, but then, the brunette finally started to calm down, her breathing slowing, cuddling up closer _Klark_, her head leaning into her hand, which hadn’t stopped playing with her hair ever since they had sat down. And then, softly, murmured: “Okay” before her body went slack against _Klark’s_.

Maybe this victory could feel like one, now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay. here it is. now? where. am i going to go with this? find out next update, maybe


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God i swear i am alive. Actually 90% of this fic has been written and just sitting in my drafts for like three months but i couldnt bring myself to finish and edit so yeah.

Lexa woke up feeling dizzy and nauseated, which wasn't exactly new. What was new, however, was that the floor was moving? Was she still in the ark, then? Perhaps there was a meteor shower going on... But then she opened her eyes and saw Clarke, leaning against the wall of the... Where was she again? '_Definitely not the ark_' she mused to herself.

She felt a pang of sadness and guilt, seeing the blonde by herself instead of cuddled up against her but it was for the best, and she had more important things in mind, because the floor was moving.

With a loud groan, she sat up, and the world straight up started spinning. Clarke was by her side in a second, steadying her and calming her murmuring warm sweet nothings. 

"It's alright, we are in a carriage, you were asleep for long and we, well, I needed to get to Polis before news of the _Maunon_ spread. All _skaikru_ except for the few that wanted to stay in _Tondc_ are coming along, which is most of them, actually".

"How...how long have I been asleep?"

"About 15 hours, maybe," Lexa's face must have been her exact thoughts, because Clarke chuckled lowly. "It's fine, you went through a lot, I kind of expected you to sleep all the way to Polis." Her eyes got warmer, then. "I only hope your opinion of us will be better after your visit, the capital prides itself for many things." 

Lexa looked down shily, guilt tugging at her stomach again: "I already believe your people are amazing, thanks to _you_."

But when Lexa looks back up, Clarke is looking away, her eyes serious and unreadable.

"I already slept for too long, stay here and rest for the rest of the trip, you will need it for the day in the city." With a nod, Clarke gets up, rises the heavy fur at the back of the carriage and jumps off. Lexa can hear her speak for a little while before her voice fades with the rest of the noises outside.

She doesn't mean to, but she must be pretty exhausted because she falls back asleep in no time. 

The next time she wakes, it's Raven who greets her:

"Yo, yo, sleepyhead, big bad commander sent me to wake you. Now, I didn't take you for one to turn down a hot blonde being the first thing you see in the morning but you do you." By the end of Raven's speech, Lexa is a blushing mess and she's looking everywhere but at the older brunette.

"Raven, please, don't."

"C'mon now, Lex. She looks at you like you didn't come from the stars but hung them. You're just gonna ignore her?" Raven whispers. "She looked sad, man."

"She didn't look sad. She's probably just tired."

"No. She carried you out of that mountain like nothing but _you_ mattered. She kept you in her tent, and I had to yell at her for an hour to let me in. Wouldn't even let me alone with you. Then, when we started our trip to this big, big city, she rode by your side and then went to rest next to you. I think you're making a mistake, Lexa, ruining a good damn chance to be happy."

"And what do I do, Raven?!" She asks, louder than she probably should. "She's the commander of everything, and I'm just a child that came from the sky and ruined their already messy lives."

"You're not just a sky person anymore, you should have seen them, heard them, talking about you like... Like you're a god. You brought down their biggest enemy and their commander only has eyes for you. So yeah, not just a kid, definitely."

"So they think I am a monster. Good."

"That's really all you got from all I said?"

"Listen, thanks for trying to cheer me up but-"

"_Leksa, Reivon_." Lexa whips her head so fast she gets dizzy for a second but is thankful to see that it's Anya and not Clarke. She doesn't think she can deal with her right now. "_Klark_ sent me here, you are needed by her side in Polis, as _Wanheda_." 

"_Wanheda_-"

"YEAH! I was just about to take her there! Thank you, blondie, we are going now!" Lexa can't even complain because she's being dragged by the mechanic in what she guesses is Polis' (and Clarke's) direction.

"Hey Clarke, here, one Lexa for you, bye."

"Thank you, _Reivon_..." But said girl is halfway back to Anya. "Okay... She's... A lot." Lexa hums half-heartedly, not in the mood for chit chat.

"So... What do you need me to do?"

"Right, straight to the point. I need to tell you a few things. First, as was agreed, and thanks to you befalling the mountain, _skaikru_ are now part of the coalition, and therefore under my protection. We merely need to introduce you as the leader and make it official. Secondly," Clarke swallows, before looking at her directly in the eyes. "You have become a legend to my people... You.. might have heard this, but my people consider you _wanheda_, now"

"Wanheda? Anya called me that but I couldn't ask... And your people... So you don't consider me to be... whatever this means?"

"It's complicated. There's this myth... but I suppose it's not a myth anymore, that talks about _Wanheda_. It is believed within our people that there are three different spirits that were put on this earth to help humanity grow. They were asleep for many years, and they died, not even noticing. Just peacefully passed away once humans were able to care for their own. But then, _Praimfaya_ happened and they were reborn. The three of them were reincarnated into mortals. One of them, the most common, the most known, is _Heda_." Lexa gasps, as subtly as possible. She did see it coming but... she never thought...

"The first time after the _Praimfaya_, the three spirits reincarnated together, they grew to be friends, leading together to bring peace and prosperity. However, _Heda_ had a lover, one whose hunger for power was so great, that he despised the other two spirits. So enraged and mad, he killed them in their sleep. Those spirits were known as _Wanheda_ and the _Hounda_. Ever since then, the only spirit that has come back, has been _Heda_, it is believed that because they still held a grudge against humans." Clarke sighs and looks away.

"My people now believe that _Wanheda_ never came back because she was in space, watching over them from where she would be safe, and came down to beat the demon of the mountain once they became one people under the coalition. _Wanheda_ translates to commander of death. The spirit that would command when life starts and ends, and cleanse every soul of every person who would leave this earth with honor."

"So they think I'm the commander of death... I mean, I get it, I murdered hundreds of people in seconds, I couldn't find a better word for someone like me."

"_Leksa_, I know how hard it is... No one could understand better what you're going through right now, I-"

"Really? Have _you_ killed hundreds by pulling a switch? Killed, sure, monsters, but also _innocent_ children and elders?" Clarke clenches her jaw and looks away. "Right. So don't bullshit me. Don't pretend... Just. Tell me what I'm supposed to do and leave me alone."

Clarke looks like she wants to say something, blue eyes searching green ones until she nods defeatedly and holds herself, arms ajar.

"I need you to act like you believe you are _Wanheda_, because if anyone doubts about _skaikru_, the won't once they see who their leader is. I need you to swear loyalty to the coalition and myself. Then, your people will be my people and you may go anywhere. As long as there is an ambassador to speak in your name and your _kru_."

"That's it?"

A nod. 

"That's it." 

Lexa tries, for the life of her, to look into the blonde eyes. To see if there's anything there that... She shakes her head. There's no time.

"Alright. Let's go then."

Arriving to Polis leaves Lexa absolutely breathless. She didn't know what she was expecting, but nothing could compare. People were everywhere, all of them looking at Clarke like she was... well, a god. Which wasn't that far fetched after hearing the story the blonde had told her. They would kneel next to her and call for her. Clarke simply nodded and touched the hands that reached for her. Otherwise, she kept looking and moving forward, acting like this was an everyday thing. Maybe it was.

After the shortest while, or at least that's what it seemed to her, they reached a tower so high it looked like it would touch the sky. The first thing she noticed was that everything seemed to be from the old world. The building looked like it had been a hotel before, but now was used for the commander and her... _Business_? 

"What will my friends do until I'm finished here?"

"They're being scorted by some of my warriors, including _Onya_ and _Ryder_, to the place where they will be staying." Perhaps because they had spent so long together, the blonde knew what she would ask: "you will probably be asked to stay at the tower, since you're not only their leader but _Wanheda_. But also, as _Wanheda_, you may act as you please. I would recommend you stay here, however, mostly to appease _Titus_. You'll meet him, I don't believe you'll like him, but act nice, please."

The brunette nodded, too distracted by the elevator moving under her feet to care much about anything else. How did it work? Was it manual or did they somehow manage to conserve this part of the old technology?

"The elevator works on its own when there's sun, however it must be worked manually when it rains or at night." Alright, yes, the blonde could read her mind. How embarrassing for her tiny little crush. "I will show you something more unbelievable once we are done with the boring political stuff."

Lexa basically swoons, and is incredibly glad that the blonde seems too focused on the panel on the wall to notice. But she does notice when she trips once the elevator comes to a sudden stop. She simply holds her arm to keep her from falling and walks away, assuming (rightly so) that she will follow her.

The meeting was too overwhelming for her. There were people representing all clans, plus guards and the Titus guy, who glared at her the whole way through. When Lexa was called to swear her loyalty, Clarke gave her a soft look and raised her arms to get everyone to quiet down.

"Now, we welcome _Wanheda_, leader of _skaikru_, killer of the mountain, and her people into the coalition," Lexa got up, ignoring the anxiety she felt rising in her stomach. "_Leksa kom skaikru_-" Lexa kneels before Clarke, and after that, everything is a blur. Some people congratulate her for who knows what. She's too busy trying to control her breathing. It isn't too long, Lexa thinks, before Clarke takes pity on her and asks to speak with her alone. She was about to thank the blonde when she noticed Titus stay behind. Well, she wasn't done yet.

"_Leksa_, this is _Titus_, the _Flaimkepa_ and the _ticha_ for the _natblida_. He will teach you anything you like for as long as you stay in Polis." Titus nods, but the snarl on his face showed that he wasn't happy about it.

"_Wanheda_," he bows his head, keeping his voice as little condescending as possible, which wasn't much, "it'll be an honor to serve you."

Lexa wanted to roll her eyes, but she understood politics enough to stop herself. She gave a small nod.

"I will take _Wanheda_ to meet the _Natblida_ and eat lunch before the meetings in the late afternoon. You may leave to attend your matters, _Titus_."

At least the guy had enough mind to actually bow before Clarke before leaving, muttering something (probably about her) under his breath. 

"Okay, now that the old man is gone, let's go see the kids. I'm sure you'll love them."

After the meeting, getting to know the natblida feels like the best thing that's ever happened. They're all tiny and look at Clarke...well they look at her pretty similarly as Lexa does. She blushed slightly before being barreled with tiny hands asking her questions.

"_Goufa_, now, as future commanders, is this how you behave?" Clarke question was answered by a chorus of '_no, Heda_'. The kids quickly straightening up and raising their hands to ask.

Time went by so quickly that by the time Clarke told her that the nightbloods had to go eat so they wouldn't be late for their lessons Lexa found herself staring at the high sun. It couldn't have been later than 10am when they came to the training pits, but now it easily was past 1pm.

The kids whined, clearly not happy and still curious about her weird speaking and mannerisms, and about seeing someone who wasn't Clarke or Titus.

"You do good on your lessons and I might bring her back tomorrow," all the kids faces lit up like a Christmas tree, and they procedeed to say their goodbyes and run to whenever they were supposed to be. "Now, let's go eat something, I'm sure at least one of my 'handmaidens' is dying to have you try all and every food."

"Wait," the blonde turned around, already on her way to lunch, "weren't you going to show me something unbelievable? Or was that your way of getting me to behave at the meeting?"

"Oh," Clarke blushed, and Lexa couldn't help but bite her lip, trying not to blurt out how cute she found it. "Hm, yes, I was. But, aren't you hungry? We could go after..."

Lexa sighed dramatically, "well, if you insist." 

It wasn't like she was starving, not at all.

Lexa wasn't a believer. She didn't buy the whole _Wanheda_ story either. Didn't think there was a god. But, as soon as she tried the many different foods awaiting at the table, she saw heaven. She might have eaten too much, but she didn't have any regrets.

"Oh, my god," she looked at Clarke, who was barely containing a smile, "can I eat this for the rest of my life? I might need new clothes." 

Clarke laughs, and Lexa has to pinch herself because it really wasn't fair that she could be so perfect... And so out of reach.

"You may eat this anytime you like as long as it's in season. But now, do you want me to show you what I told you before?" Lexa nods enthusiastically and gets up after the blonde, silently following her out of the room and to the elevator.

"You can't tell anyone about this place, it's supposed to be only for _Heda_ to use, to meditate. But I think you'll appreciate it a bit more than the past commanders." She smirks slightly then: " I might also be using this as an excuse to skip the rest of the meetings. _Titus_ can deal just fine."

Lexa's heart skips a beat, but it has nothing to do with the beautiful blonde that's looking at her with nothing but adoration in her eyes. No, not at -.

She steps out of the elevator and:

"What? How?" 

There is not a single thought left in her head. The setting sun is bathing all of Polis, turning the view into something that she can't quite describe. She guesses this is the highest part of the tower; she can now see and feel the flame that welcomed her into the city, but she can also see farther away, and she can see... The sea.

"Clarke, this is... I can't," she feels the blonde put a heavy fur over her shoulders, sheltering her from the colder wind that can be felt up so high.

"I know, but, that's not what I wanted to show you. You will have to wait a little for that, but do enjoy the view while the time comes."

Lexa nods minutely and keeps admiring the view, a sense of peacefulness that she doesn't think she's ever felt before overtaking her. She's not sure how long she's been standing there, but the sun is almost fully gone by the time Clarke talks again.

"Look up, _Leksa_."

She finally takes her eyes off the setting sun and follows Clarke's words, only for her breath to leave her completely. The stars are all out, and without the forest trees and fire pits, the sky looks alive. It almost feels like she's back at the ark, except she can taste the clean air and feel Clarke's comforting presence next to her.

"Clarke, this is so-" but whatever words she was going to say are swallowed down her throat when she sees the blonde looking at her, with a soft smile and the fire reflecting of her soft skin and hair and... Her stomach hurts, acutely and she's feeling dizzy, disoriented and she can hear shooting and she sees...blood, dark... And Clarke is there, she's crying and-

"_Leksa! Keryon, beja, Leksa, ai niron, chich op ai, beja."_

"Clarke, I still can't understand _trig_ that well," her half witty response falls short when she sees the tears running down the blonde's face, ruining what little is left of the paint by her eyes.

"What... What happened to you?" She asks worriedly her eyes quickly scanning her face.

"Sorry, sometimes I just get really vivid flashbacks, from, like dreams. Sorry. It doesn't make sense, but, my stomach is in a lot of pain, might have eaten too much."

"Are you sure they're dreams?" And okay, she's confused. Clarke... Was _there_, right? Maybe it's a memory? But it doesn't makes sense-, "sorry, forget it, let's take you to your room, you need rest."

Lexa wants to say more, ask her, but the blonde is very obviously done with the conversation, or maybe the whole day, so she drags her feet behind her without another word.

"You have two guards, ask them if you need directions. I will be in the floor above, were you to need anything send for me or look for me. Two servants will bring you breakfast tomorrow morning before the first meeting." She says quickly before taking a breath and finishing with a quiet good night and leaving.

She doesn't get to say it back. She doesn't get to ask how she's supposed to sleep on her own either, but she feels like maybe Clarke is trying to draw a line and stop... Whatever that was going on between them. 

Yeah, questions could wait. And sleep too, obviously, because all she did that night roll around the very big and comfortable bed all night. 

She was going to have to get used to sleeping alone.

Or not sleeping at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will have clarke say niron to lexa until lexa finally asks someone what tf it means and becomes a puddle.
> 
> Also yes, i love pain, apparently

**Author's Note:**

> I have no beta and English isn't my first language so,, idk tell me if you find anything annoying or scream at me. or not


End file.
